❝ everything is perfect, baby ❞
-
affairs, lust and a four year old child never go well together, and when david walliams' skit of being in love with simon cowell unexpectedly snowballs into more, he learns that it's impossible to have perfection la...
I groaned, bored, and rolled onto my stomach. Bert, my small dog, barked at the noise and ran over to the bed, leaping onto my stomach.
My phone rang, and my heart jumped at the possibility of it being Simon.
Rob Brydon would like to face time you. I clicked accept and his face appeared on the screen. R = Rob // D = David
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R: Hi David! D: Hey Rob, how are you? R: Good thanks, I'm just coming in from the train station. D: Nice, so how come you're calling? R: Oh? You haven't seen? D: Huh? R: God, you better check social media. D: Haven't seen what? D: Rob? R: God, the paps are here. I've gotta go.
He hang up on me.
I logged onto twitter and checked the trending hashtags. They were all normal. I had a few notifications, but one stood out to me the most.
@ Josh__Pikat @ DavidWalliams you better get in there before Sunita does ;)
Confused, I looked through the notifications to find more tweets like this.
@ Samantha.Matthews @ DavidWalliams you must be delighted!!
@ SamLikesPokemon @ DavidWalliams strike while the irons hot, mate!! Lmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #damon
Confused, I texted Amanda. What was going on? Why would I be happy? What do I need to do?
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My jaw dropped, and the phone fell to the carpeted floor.
Immediately, I called him. "Simon?" I asked as he picked up. "David, I can't talk right now, I-" his voice was hoarse. "I know what's happened." I said softly. "She told the press, and everything. She told the freaking press before me!" He cursed, growling the words down the phone. "Are you alone? You need to be comforted." I replied, softly. "Now is not the time to make those kind of comments, David." He grumbled. "Simon, I didn't mean it like that. I thought you'd want some company." "Oh, I..." he paused, "I'd love that."
••
For some reason, I was nervous. I raked a hand through my quickly styled hair, straightened out my patterned shirt and knocked on the door.
I'd never been inside his house before.
He opened the door, his eyes red, swollen and puffy. He wore blue, denim jeans and a black v neck top. On his feet were white socks with small dogs on.
"Please, can we not talk about it." Was the first thing he said.
I smiled in reply. "Nice socks!" I complimented. I walked inside and my jaw dropped at the size of his house.
He weakly smiled, before leading me into the lounge. There were large, cream sofas against two walls, and a huge flat screen TV. The carpet was grey, with lampshades and paintings hung on the wall. A large, glass photo frame with a photo of him and Lauren was on the floor, the photo crinkled and the frame shattered. There was pieces of broken glass coated the carpet. "Are you- Did you do this?" I asked. He just nodded. I went into the cupboard and searched for the dust pan and brush.
2 hours later, the carpet was glass free and we were half way through a film. The couple started passionately kissing. My cheeks were tinted with rouge, and I fumbled with my hands. One thing was going through my head.
I wanted to kiss him like that. So bad.
"What's wrong?" Simon asked, pausing the film. "N-Nothing, Simon." I said, curling my feet onto the corner of the couch as Squiddly and Diddly laid together on the floor. "You're nervous, David. Talk to me." He said. "Shouldn't I be talking to you about what's happened today?" I asked, twisting the subject onto him and Lauren. "No. Talk to me." He ordered.
I had to tell him. I'd been hiding this for over five years now.
I took a deep breath. "Well, the- the truth is, I-"
A door crashed open. "What the f-" Simon yelled, jumping up and running to the door.
Lauren was stood there. She looked drunk.
"You're joking? He's here?" She slurred, gesturing to me.
"Lauren..." Simon said, shocked.
"He- This is all your fault." She yelled, prodding my chest. I flinched away.
"Maybe I should leave..." I mumbled, confused as to why this was my fault.
"David, I'm sorry-" He said quietly.
"It's fine." I replied, smiling slightly. I grabbed my phone off the counter and walked out, but my feet still shook with every step.
What did she mean my fault?
• SIMON •
"I- Lauren... What're you doing here?" I questioned. Part of me left with David. I felt exposed and vulnerable. I'd given everything to her and she left me. The reason why she left me hurt the most.
"I came to get my stuff. Get out of my face." She yelled. I raised my eyebrows and grabbed my phone, plugging it into the charger and checking my notifications.
I had a missed call from David.
I dialled 121 and listened to the voicemail he left. "I- I just wanted to know if you're okay, and I-I Just wanted to... just call me later, okay?" The voice then muffled, as though the phone had been placed it his pocket, "Good God I'm such an idiot, I can't even leave him a voicemail. Sh*t it's still going. -beep-" the voicemail ended. I smiled softly at his voice. He was so nervous around me lately.
•
• DAVID •
God, how hard is it to tell someone you love them?
