I want you.

Taking Toms advice.

  Its been three months and its been absolutely miserable for me. Tom wants me to move out. He said us being friends and living together is uncomfortable for him. He gave me 2 months to find a house and move out. I have gained weight. I think, I don't really know. Its only in my stomach. Im still throwing up. Not as much but Tom says I should see a doctor but Im not a big fan of hospitals or the idea of a doctor. I also have been feeling very hungry every second of the day. Maybe that's why im gaining weight.

  So physically I have not been good. Emotionally and Mentally im worse. I cry everytime something reminds me of Robert. A lot of my friends heard I was back in town but I avoid everyone at all cost. In fact I haven't left the house since I came back. I have never felt so much pain for some one in my life. My heart aches every time Robert crosses my mind. Tom says im not the same either. He claims I am very different. He probably claims right though. I did stop crying my self to sleep. I can't really remember the last time I smiled or laugh. Sometimes I smile when I think about Robert but that smile ends up turning into tears. My Mom was right. Why am I putting myself though this? I guess to prove a point to myself.

   I sit in my room. Tom comes in. He pulls a chair next to me. I look at him.

"Do you need someone to talk to?" He asked.

"No, why?" I say jumping down his throat.

"Calm down!" He says with an attitude.

"Im sorry." I look down at the ground.

"In all my years of knowing you I have never seen you so sad." He points out.

I look out the window. Fall was coming the leaves were falling off the trees. I love fall its so beautiful.

"I know how you feel. I felt the same when you were gone." He says.

I keep my eyes out the window still.

"But something about the way your acting is way worse then I was. To be completely honest with you I think the best thing for you is to go back to California with Robert. Im not saying this because I want you to move out im saying this because I love you and care about you and I don't want you to get worse."

I let his eyes meet mine. I let the tears come down my face.

He grasp my face holding my face gently wiping the tears away with his thumb.

"Dont dig a whole for yourself that you cant get out off." He almost whispers to me. He kisses me on the cheek and walks out. Even though Tom and I were just friends now and he did act like a complete and utter ass I still love him. He was always wise and had the best advise. When he leaves the room I think about the two things my mom said to me.

"Why are you doing this to your self?"

"Always follow your heart."

And Like I said I was trying to prove a point to my self. I can't live without him. I really cant. I mean look at me. Im emotionally and physically not healthy because I am overly depressed about leaving Robert. It hits like a fucking bus. I proved my point to myself so why am I still here! I love Robert I miss him and I want him. I stand up from my seat.

"I love Robert." I say to myself. I am going back to California to Robert.  Its been 3 months without him and I think im ready.

   I get all my stuff. My clothes, my picture, blankets, belongings, and all my other things. It took me a hour an a half to pack everything. I was just getting done taping down my last box when Tom walked in.

"You took my advice?" He says smiling at the door.

"Yeah. Your right I can't be here anymore."

"Would you like me to help you pack everything in the car?" He asked.

"Yeah I will help."

Me and Tom packed every thing in the car. Lets just say I am going to be packed in the car with alot of boxes piled around me. I walk back in my room. I get one more bag together. I get all my shampoos and conditioners. I get my toothbrush and all my hair brushes and combs. I go to the bathroom. I look around for anything else I might need. Then I see my Always Pads. I grab them and a thought comes to my mind.

I missed my period...

I missed it last month to. All these thoughts come rushing through me.

I have been throwing up, I have been gaining, weight, and eating like crazy. That can mean only one thing. I have to be pregnant. I will go to the doctors first thing in the morning. Its probably nothing. Sometimes girls miss there period. Right? Its not a big deal. Hopefully...