Dark Moves Of Love ~ Neymar Jr

Epilogue

The decision Neymar made not to play was welcomed with relief from his family, friends and doctors but with disappointment from his fans. I know that he too, was disappointed but deep down he knew it was the right call. In the next few days I told him more and more about James. He wanted to know everything and somehow I found that talking to him about James wasn't as painful as I thought it would be. On some occasions my mind played tricks on me, making up different scenarios of James being alive. Him and Neymar being teammates, friends, champions. It broke my heart every time. In a way I missed him more than ever, but it also felt that I was more connected to him than I had ever been since he died.

I still felt awful whenever I thought about all the things he would never get to do. He wouldn't win the trophies he had dreamed of, he wouldn't play the games he had hoped and he wouldn't get to live the life he had wished for himself. And the life he had wished for the both of us. The one, once upon a time, I had wished for too.

But in all of this, I realized that James had made the decision. He had known the risks and as he confessed to me on the last day of his life, he was terrified. But he still made the decision to play, because a life where he couldn't, wasn't enough for him.

And I had to learn to live with it. I spend years living in the past. I don't think I wasted these years, because it was what I needed. But now the tide was turning and I was starting to find a way to move my life forward while carrying that part of me, which would always belong to James, with me.

And Neymar helped with that. James wasn't an off-limits topic for him. He made me comfortable to share my memories, my pain and my love for James with him. He was there and gave me strength when I called Jean, James' sister for the first time since the funeral. I hadn't been able to talk to her before, it had been too painful, but now with him holding my hand I finally did.

In the next few days things started to fall into place. Neymar started rehab and we couldn't attend the game against Germany. It was for the better, because it had been a bad outcome and neither one of us would have been able to deal with it. We visited Granja Comary one last time before the third place playoff and said goodbye to all our friends and the coaches. It was a chaotic time and incredibly painful for Neymar and also the entire team. But we got to spend one last day at the place that brought us together. We walked down to the pond where we again swam and walked on water, like the day we met. We walked out to the fields and I played one last game with our friends, as Neymar cheered all of us on from the bleachers.

And after watching the game against the Netherlands from the stands, I said goodbye to Brazil, without knowing when I would return.

~*~

A few days later, Ibiza

"I have a surprise for you." Neymar said, as we sunbathed on top of a yacht in the middle of the Mediterranean Sea.

"Another surprise? What could ever top Ibiza?" I asked. I opened my eyes but was blinded by the morning sun.

"I believe that would be me." Someone said. It took my eyes two seconds to focus, but the tall, curly figure of David Luiz was difficult to mistake.

"David!" I yelled and got up to hug him. "I had no idea you were coming!" I told him and hugged him once again. "Thiago!" I said, seeing my other friend behind him.

"Hey Livvie." Thiago said as he hugged me. His wife and kids who were climbing up the yacht from a small boat behind him, looked up and smiled.

"You're all here." I said as I hugged all of them. "Perfect."