The Anatomy of a Parody Heart

pretending

He gets home before the others that evening - a bad sign. The twins are no real surprise, but Robyn...

And Gem. God. Gem.

Enzo slouches into the sitting room, dumps his bag. He is halfway up the staircase when his mother pokes her head out of the kitchen door. Smiles.

"Hey, Enzo. Good day?"

"Fine."

Fine.

Her smile wavers. But only slightly. "Good. That's - good. Robyn's at football, by the way. And Gem's got detention. And the twins - "

"Out, right? I know, Mum."

"Yes." Almost a whisper now. Her smile is stained, around the edges. "Yes, that's right."

She hesitates.

"But you, Enzo. What about you?"

"What about me?"

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine." There is a weird tightness around his chest. "I'm fine, Mum."

She comes towards him then, up the stairs. Rests her hand on his cheek. Her finger brushes his cheekbone.

He doesn't move.

"I just...I wish...sometimes..." She pauses. Takes a breath. "I wish you weren't growing up so fast. I wish you were still that little boy that went tearing around this sitting room, chucking cushions and laughing like you'd just heard the funniest joke in the world. And now I've got this grumpy old teenager who comes stalking into the house, slamming doors and grunting." A weak attempt at a joke. "Is that fair?"

Enzo looks away. He can feel her eyes searching him, searching him for something, anything - a shred of emotion, a shred of life - something.

He hates that he can't give it to her. He hates that he can't love her like he wants to.

He wants to so badly.

No, Mum. No, this isn't fair.

The little boy of her dreams is nothing but a fake. He never used to laugh. Or smile. Or anything.  It was only in later life that he began to copy his siblings. It made his mum smile, when he did that. And cry.

Enzo always hated to see her cry.

So he stopped pretending, after a while.

And so did she.

Enzo looks into her eyes again. Looks and looks, and she is crying now; Enzo hates it when she cries.

He puts his arms around her. Hugs her.

Awkwardly.

And wonders exactly when it was that he decided to keep pretending.