The Anatomy of a Parody Heart

first times

They have given him a week to live. 

A week.

Enzo wants to shout and scream and yell. A week isn't enough. 

A week isn't enough.

He slept through the night, and woke up in clean white scrubs - a collared shirt, trousers, a pair of thin hospital slippers. It shocked him, to begin with, to realise that he had been out for so long.

After checking Enzo's temperature, his vitals, the doctor excuses himself, leaving only Dan and Enzo's family and Enzo, in the ward. 

"How are you feeling?" Gem asks him, once he has gone.

"Fine," Enzo says.

Gem takes a deep breath. "I think - I think the doctor was right, about you - you know - writing a will. I think it might help."

Help how?

"Sure," Enzo says. Something suddenly occurs to him, and he looks at Dan. "Have you got any paper? Paper and a pen?"

Dan spends a minute searching through his pockets - like Enzo, he is no longer in his tux (he changed after the doctor left), but - unlike Enzo - he is wearing a simple shirt and jeans. "I think there's some in the waiting room," he says at last. "I'll go check."

He returns a few moments later, pen and paper in hand. He passes them to Enzo. 

Enzo rips the paper in half and writes, on one half; once he is done, he folds it up, once, twice, hands it back to Dan. "Read it," he says, "tomorrow. You'll know when. Sorry it's such a crap present."

Then he grabs Dan's face in his hands, pulling him down so that they are level, and kisses him, hard, on the mouth. 

"That time, last week, when we were discussing your birthday," he whispers.

"Enzo - did you - did you just - "

"No. I was leaning across you, to get the...the tissues, and I brushed your mouth. Why? What did you think I did?"

"Oh - nothing. I didn't - nothing."

 He brushes Dan's lips with his finger. "I'm sorry I lied."

Dan's eyes go huge. He pulls away, slowly. Swallows. Smiles. "You're an idiot," he says.

Enzo smiles, too. "I know."

Gem is staring at him. It takes Enzo a second to realise - by kissing Dan, he has officially come out to his family. To Mum.

Enzo, avoiding her eyes, picks up the pen again, and reaches for what's left of the paper. "Right, I don't really know how wills work, so, um..."

"It's a list. A list of all of your possessions, and what you want to do with them. Who you want to give them to." His mum's voice is thin, and a little shaky. She touches Enzo's hair. "Start big. What big things have you got to give away?"

By the time that they are finished, the paper is full of Enzo's scribblings, and Mum's voice is stronger and louder - and more Mum-like - than Enzo has ever heard it.

Enzo is pretty sure that his mum should be at work by now, but he doesn't say anything. Dan is out in the waiting room, with his family, and Robyn and Gem left with the twins a half hour ago. 

This is the first time that Enzo has been alone with his mum in - months. He finds himself - in a kind of twisted, tragic way - enjoying it.

Finally, she breaks the glass over the question that Enzo has been waiting for ever since Dan left the ward.

"So, it's you and Dan then, is it?" She is sitting down now, on a rickety chair by his bed. Every so often, she will reach up, touch his face. 

She is doing it now. 

Enzo covers her hand, on his cheek. Holds it there.

"Yeah," Enzo says. "Me and Dan."

"And you're happy?"

"I'm happy."

She smiles. "Good."

"You don't mind?" Enzo blurts out.

His mum's face works. "Why would I mind?"

"Well - a gay son isn't exactly ideal, is it?" It is the first time that Enzo has ever really said the word. 

I am gay. 

So many first times.

"No," his mum admits. "But I don't care about that. I care about you being happy. I think - I think it - this - may have been a matter that your father was also struggling with, when he left us. Maybe."

Another first time - the first time that Enzo's mum has ever mentioned Enzo's dad in front of him.

Enzo stares at her. "You mean - you mean my dad's - "

Telling is the coward's way out. Whatever your dad is, he's not a coward.

Does Dan - does he think that Enzo's dad was - is -

"No," his mum says, "I don't know. I don't think I'll ever know, really. He never remarried. Then again, neither did I. It's a theory."

"Enzo?" 

"Dan?"

The door opens. 

Enzo notices - with some satisfaction - that he doesn't have to see Dan to know who he is, anymore. He can tell just by his voice.

Dan opens his mouth to say something - maybe that he has to go home now; Enzo really, really doesn't want Dan to go home now - but Enzo's mum's arms are suddenly around him, cutting him off. 

"Thank you," she whispers. "Thank you for looking after my beautiful boy."

Dan's eyes go wide - wide, and then wet. His arms go around her, too. Her hand rests in his hair. He doesn't say anything; just stands there. 

Enzo can hear him crying.

Eventually - after a second, after an age - he pulls away. Wipes his eyes. 

Enzo doesn't think that he has ever seen Dan look so vulnerable.

He makes his way over to Enzo. "I just came to say - if there's anywhere you want to go - now, or whenever - with - with me, then the doctor says we can. You know. If you want."

"Yeah?"

Dan smiles. "Yeah."

Enzo looks at Mum. Looks at Dan.

"Actually," he says, "actually - there is somewhere I want to go." 

He smiles, too. 

"Now."