The Anatomy of a Parody Heart

crazy

He is going to see his father tomorrow.

Not tonight - Dan says he is busy tonight - but tomorrow.

Tomorrow.

Enzo just has to get through this day. This one day.

And then he can see his father.

Robyn comes back late that night. Enzo can't see him, but he can hear him. He can hear him crying.

"Rob?" Enzo whispers. Sits up. "Robyn?"

It is dark in the room. Robyn is sitting on the edge of the bed. He has his head in his hands, bent over. Enzo can't remember the last time that he saw Robyn cry.

Robyn's hair is sticking up at the back, and there is a smudge of something red on his cheek. Lipstick?

"Is it her?" Enzo whispers. "Has she broken up with you?"

Robyn shakes his head. Once. Twice.

Something clinks in his pocket.

"Robyn - what - "

Robyn wipes his eyes with the heels of his hands. "It's nothing, Enzo. I'm just tired. Go back to bed."

"What's in your pocket?"

"I've told you, Enzo - nothing."

"Then let me see."

"Enzo - "

"Let me see."

Enzo can see the hesitation on Robyn's face. "It's stupid," he says, "really. You wouldn't understand."

"Try me."

Robyn wipes his eyes again. Then he puts his hand in his pocket, and pulls something out. A bag.

A money bag.

Enzo stares at it. Stares at him. Swallows. Hard.

"Who gave that to you?"

Robyn hesitates.

Hesitates.

Enzo feels sick. "It was her, wasn't it? She's giving you money. She's paying you to - to - "

"I have to, Enzo." Robyn's voice is fierce. "There's no way Mum's gonna be able to support us all on her own. I'm dropping out of college. And Gem doesn't need her A Levels, not really. And - "

"Don't you know what you're doing?" Enzo hisses. "You're selling yourself - selling yourself - to a - a - "

"She's a friend. From school."

"A rich friend."

Robyn runs his hands through his hair. "You don't get it. I told you you wouldn't get it."

"How long has this been going on for?"

When Robyn doesn't reply, Enzo shakes him. Hard. "How long has this been going on for?"

"I - I dunno. A week? Maybe two?"

"Is there - is there any chance she could be - you know," Enzo lowers his voice, "pregnant?"

Robyn gives him a disgusted look. "I might be an idiot, but I'm not stupid, Enzo."

"Oh, the irony."

"This isn't funny."

"I never said it was."

"Don't tell Mum, okay? Or Gem. Or - "

"Yeah, yeah. I won't. That'd make for an awkward conversation, wouldn't it? By the way, Mum, Rob's been seeing this girl from school, and you wouldn't believe what they've been up to - "

"Oh, shut up," Robyn says, but Enzo can see that he is smiling.

"So," Enzo says, after a moment of silence, "are you gonna go back?"

Robyn looks away. "What do you think?"

"There are other ways, Rob."

"What other ways?" Robyn's voice is suddenly fierce. "What other ways, Enzo? I've been through everything - literally everything. You can't think that this would be my first choice, can you?"

Enzo takes the bag from him. "How much?' he says softly.

Robyn lowers his head. "£10."

"A week?"

"A night."

"So there's more?'

"Yes."

"Where?"

"Under my mattress."

Enzo forces a laugh. "Bit cliché, isn't it?"

"Where would you prefer it? In our pant drawer?"

"Seriously?"

Robyn sighs. "No."

"What's her name?"

"You don't know her, I told you, she's a friend from sch - "

"Rob."

"Alex. Her name's Alex."

Enzo exhales.

Robyn jumps; Enzo gives him a dry look. "I still have lungs, you know," he says, "even if I don't use them."

Robyn shakes his head. "Sorry, Enz. It's just - it's been a long night."

Enzo raises an eyebrow. "Oh, I bet it has."

Robyn shoves him - hard - stands up. "Chuck this under the mattress for me, would you? I'm gonna go take a shower."

"Sure."

Enzo waits until Robyn is out of the room, then hoists up his end of the mattress, peers under it.

What he sees there makes his stomach grow cold.

Even through the darkness, Enzo can make out the bags. Piles and piles of bags. Robyn has squeezed them between the springs, stuffing them down where Mum won't find them; a few of the bags are open, and coins and notes are strewn across the top, down the sides, everywhere.

Money. So much money.

Enzo sinks to his knees.

It has been more than a week. More than two.

It might even have been more than a month.

Robyn...

Enzo can't understand it. Any of it. He can't understand how Robyn can possibly love his family so much that he would go to all ends - this end - to provide for them.

What is love, Robyn?

What is it, when it makes you act like this, like a - a monster; when it makes you go against everything that you have ever been taught?

You're selling yourself out for Mum. For Gem. The twins.

For me.

Love is crazy, Robyn.

Love is crazy.