The Anatomy of a Parody Heart

stars

The hospital is surprisingly dark, at night.

There was some part of Enzo that wondered whether the hospital could get dark - whether it was possible, with the white white walls and the white white ceiling. But once Dan turns the lights out, the dark is thick, and all-consuming. 

Enzo has to reach out and touch Dan, just to make sure that he is still there.

"I know a better place than this," Dan says, after a few moments. They are lying, side by side, on the ward floor. Enzo's duvet is spread out beneath them.

Enzo raises himself up on one elbow. "You do? Where?"

"You'll see."

Dan is on his feet now, piling his sleeping bag and the duvet into his arms.

Enzo makes a yelping sound as Dan yanks the duvet out from beneath him.

Dan shushes him, grinning.

Carrying his sleeping bag and one half of the duvet, Enzo follows Dan out of the ward, into the hospital corridor. He feels oddly vulnerable, in one of Dan's too-big T-shirts, and boxers. He didn't have time to get his own clothes - if he had, he would probably be wearing every single piece of clothing in his wardrobe - every single piece of clothing he owns. 

He wonders whether Dan - also in a T-shirt and boxers - is feeling this, too.

Feeling. Enzo really needs to stop using that word.

Dan leads him down a corridor, up a stairwell, down another corridor, and through a door - into a big, empty room. The first thing that Enzo notices, in this room, is the ceiling. Stuck in what appears to be some kind of weird, haphazard pattern is a huge, glowing sky of stars. Too many to count: there must be hundreds, millions - hundreds of millions - and so, so beautiful.

Enzo stares up at them, mouth open. He feels Dan come up behind him, and Dan's arm around his waist.

"Do you like it?" he says softly.

"I love it." Enzo turns to Dan. "Where are we?"

"The children's ward." Dan smiles. "I used to come here a lot, when I was little."

"You were in hospital?"

"I had a chest infection, remember?"

"Where are the beds?"

"They moved them out, a while ago. They're in another room now."

"So this is just empty?"

"Yes."

Dan moves away, spreading the duvet out on the floor, and his and Enzo's sleeping bags on top of it. Enzo joins him, until they are lying together, holding hands, under the sky of stars.

"You know," Dan says quietly, after a moment, "these can connect. If you do - this." He takes the zip of Enzo's sleeping bag, and the zip of his. Undoes them, and does them up again. Connected.

Enzo moves closer to him. Dan is warm. Soft. Dan's arms go around him. Enzo closes his eyes. Dan buries his face in Enzo's chest. His hair brushes Enzo's arm. Enzo kisses his neck.

"This is weird," Enzo says, after a moment.

Dan doesn't move. "No, it isn't."

"Yeah it is."

Now Dan does move. Squints at Enzo. "Why's it weird?"

"Cos I think - I think I like it."

Dan laughs, softly. "You got me worried, for a second there."

Enzo smiles. "You're an idiot."

Dan reaches out. Traces Enzo's smile with his finger. Kisses it.

"Ha. I love you, too."

They lie like that for a moment, Enzo's arms around Dan, Dan's arms around Enzo. 

Enzo wonders, suddenly, what Dan sees when he looks at him. A fake? A monster? 

What am I to you, Dan?

Compared to Dan, Enzo is cold and still and alien, to the touch.

Within Dan, there is life and love and hope. 

Within Enzo, there is...silence.

"Dan," he whispers, "why did you want to talk to me?"

Dan stirs a little. "What'd'you mean?"

"You know - when you first met me, why didn't you run away, like everyone else? Why did you talk to me?"

Dan puts his hand on Enzo's face. Traces his cheekbone. He smells sleepy. Sleepy and beautiful. 

"Don't you think," he murmurs, "that there's something admirable about being able to stand up to bullies?"

Enzo scowls. "I don't stand up to bullies."

"You knocked out two of Tyler McCannan's bloody teeth, Callahan. You're a freaking hero."

"How many times have you had to practice saying that without laughing?"

"I'm serious, Enzo. You're a hero. You're my hero."

Enzo tries to say something - finds he can't - and kisses Dan instead. "Don't go," he whispers, as he pulls away.

Dan opens his eyes. Smiles. "I'm not going anywhere," he says. "I'm here." 

He puts his hand on Enzo's chest. Over his heart.

His parody heart.

His Dan-loves-me heart.

"I'm here."