Moving On (A Sidemen Fanfiction)

I

"I can't do this anymore." She said. I looked over at her and took a deep, calming breath. I wanted her to be happy, even if I was no longer in her life. "Then don't."

     I closed my eyes tightly as I remembered that night. It was probably the worst night of my life. That night had a big impact on everyone. JJ became angrier, Josh was more sad, Vik was more tired, Tobi was shyer, Ethan was quieter, Harry wasn't hanging out with everyone as much, and I - well I was hopeless. I didn't talk to anyone, I didn't smile, I didn't record, I didn't eat, I didn't sleep. I didn't do anything but cry for a really long time. But we've all slowly been getting better. Everyone was pretty much back to their normal selves nowadays except for me, admittedly. There would be days that I didn't want to do anything but cry but I would still force myself to record videos and be social. I tried to push her out of my thoughts but it was fucking hard. It seemed impossible at times. Her laugh lingered in the silence, like it was pinned there by an invisible tack. I could feel her hand in mine sometimes when I got really bad, which was usually in the middle of the night when I was sobbing into my pillow. "Simon. What do you want?" Josh nudged my elbow and I looked up from the table at the waitress that gave me a small smile. I gave her my order quickly and then looked around the table. People were laughing around me and it was almost as if I was in a bubble, like I was isolated from my friends but still in their presence. "It's been a year." I finally spoke up. I didn't care who had heard me or if anyone did. But it seemed everyone did because the table grew quiet. I felt a hand in my shoulder. "We know." Josh said quietly. "It's not like we could've forgotten." Vik said. "No one ever talks about her anymore." I shrugged, looking around at my friend's again. "Why would we? She's gone, Simon."

*Mackenzie's POV*

•••

     I squinted and tried to focus my vision on the hooded figure that was sat on the bench. It was kind of creepy until I heard a weird sob noise coming from it. Then, it was just sad. I decided to take a seat next to the person and maybe offer some words of wisdom. "Are you alright?" I asked. The person looked up at me to reveal beautiful, electric blue eyes that were rimmed with red. The boy sniffled and nodded. "Yeah, I'm good." He looked away from me and I sighed mentally when I no longer saw his beautiful pools of blue. They were like his own little personal oceans, there for everyone's viewing pleasure. "Missing someone?" I asked, swinging my feet back and forth. The guy let out a small, bittersweet laugh as he looked back up at me. "You have no idea." He didn't know this, but I did have an idea. I had quite a big idea of the pain he was going through. I didn't want to dig too far into this stranger's life, but I did at least want to try and help. "It's quite cold out here. Why don't you come to mine for a bit to warm up?" I offered. He looked up at me again and opened his mouth before shutting it again. He couldn't deny it was freezing out and I could see how his lips were nearly blue. "It's just round the corner. I can make you some tea if you'd like." I added. He obviously debated the idea for a while but then met my eyes again and nodded. I gave him a small smile and we stood up off the bench. Only then did I realize how tall he was. "I'm Mackenzie, by the way." I said, sticking my hand out for him to shake. He took it slowly. "Simon." He said as we shook hands. "What's a girl like you doing out in the middle of the night anyways?" He asked. "I just got off of work. I work at a club a couple blocks away. No, I'm not a stripper. Just a bartender." He laughed when I said this and it brought a smile to my face. "What about you?" I asked him. "I'm not a stripper either." He shook his head as he laughed again. "That's not what I meant." "No, I know. I'm just joking. I'm not funny, I know." He seemed awkward now as he stumbled over his words a bit but I still smiled at him reassuringly. "But to answer your question I was just walking for a bit and then got emotional." I thought about the numerous houses around here and wondered about which one he had come from. Maybe he lived close to me. "Do you live around here?" I asked as we turned onto my street. After we passed three houses we would be at mine, finally. "Kind of. It's probably a few miles." He shrugged. "You walked a little ways, then." I said. He nodded and looked back at the ground. "I can give you a lift home if you want. I just always walk to and from work but I do actually own a car." I kept my eyes ahead of us as I spoke, not wanting to be weird by staring at him, even if I did think he was gorgeous. "I do too." He laughed again. He seemed to have forgotten what he was so sad about. That was, until we actually got to my house and I saw his tired face under the lights in my kitchen. "You live here alone?" He asked as he looked around. "Yep." I said as I turned on the kettle. When I turned back around his face seemed sad again and his tear-strained cheeks were more visible. His nose was still red but his lips had become a more pink color than blue. I shrugged off my big jacket and laid it on the table, mentally reminding myself to take it up later. I then pushed my sleeves up on the black jumper I was wearing and took a seat across from Simon. "You can take your jacket off if you'd like." I said. He slowly slipped it off his thin body, revealing a jumper that had 'SDMN' across the front. I didn't ask about it, although I was sure I had seen that before. "You're extremely nice, you know?" He spoke quietly. I looked at him and he glanced up at me shyly from the countertop. "Not often you come across a lad balling his eyes out on the side of the street. Figured I'd make something out of it." I shrugged. He gave me a small smile. "By the way," I started, causing him to look at me again, "Just because you miss someone doesn't mean you need them back in your life. Missing is just part of moving on."