Moving On (A Sidemen Fanfiction)

XI

I knew that Mackenzie didn't fully understand the effect she had on me. She didn't understand that without her I'd probably still be crying myself to sleep every other night. She didn't understand that if I was simply in her presence or speaking to her on the phone my thoughts were no longer negative like they had been for the last year. She just didn't understand that she had initiated the process of moving on and she was helping me every step of the way. And, although I hoped it didn't happen, I felt as if she were to disappear from my life I could still proceed to move on. Because she had taught me how to be happy again. Somehow. Maybe it was in one of our nights where we didn't sleep and only talked about random shit. Or maybe it was there in the silence when we were both occupied with something else. I heard Ethan's loud laugh and I looked away from Mackenzie's face and to him. She was smiling at the people sat at the table with us while I was smiling at her. "No you didn't!" Ethan exclaimed, pointing at Vik. "Wait, what happened?" I whispered, leaning towards Mackenzie. "Vik supposedly got a model's number." She shrugged. "Just a heads up, Vik. She gets around and probably has an STD." Mackenzie spoke up. Vik shrugged and laughed. "Don't be silly, wrap your willy." Harry said, causing the table to go quiet before everyone else started laughing. "You say the most random shit, Harry." Freya said, gently pushing his shoulder. "Yeah why are we friends?" JJ asked sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "That would've been something the old KSI would've said so you can't say shit, JJ." Josh pointed at JJ, who sat directly across from him. "But not something knowledge, strength, and integrity would say, huh?" JJ laughed at Tobi's comment. "You're being quiet." Mackenzie said softly beside me as the others continued to laugh. I found myself smiling as I looked at her and shrugged. We were all done with our foods but none of us really wanted to get up and leave. So we were just sat in Nando's bantering about. Mackenzie actually requested we get Nando's since she's been on a health kick getting ready for the show that we had just come from. "Why?" She whispered. I shrugged again. I didn't really know that I was being quiet but I guess I was just observing everyone. "I'm so excited for Christmas." Emily beamed on the other side of me. "Me too. I can't wait to go home." Vik leaned back in his chair, running a hand through his hair. "I haven't seen my family in ages." Josh groaned. I remembered Mackenzie's family situation and glanced over at her to see her twirling a spoon between her fingers. In attempts to cheer her up I found her knees under the table and rested my hand on it, giving it an encouraging squeeze, the fabric of her jeans feeling soft beneath my hands. She smiled up at me half heartedly. "Is everyone ready to go? I'm knackered." I spoke up finally and I got a few nods. Really I just wanted to end the conversation about families to strike up a new one with Mackenzie about the brilliant idea I had just thought of. "I'll drive Mackenzie home." I told everyone else. "Bye guys. Thanks for coming to the show." She smiled at everyone as we stood from our chairs, giving everyone a tiny wave. "Thanks for inviting us." JJ smiled at her. "Anytime." She smiled. Then we were walking outside into the cold, bitter air towards my car. Once we were finally in and had the heaters going, Mackenzie sighed. "I am so fucking tired. Thanks for keeping me up all night." She nudged me with her elbow. "Anytime." I smiled at her as I slipped my glasses onto the bridge of my nose. "So I wanted to ask you a question," I began. "And what's that?" "Do you want to come to Leeds with me next week?" Next week was the week of Christmas, Christmas being on Friday. "I'm going Monday and staying until Saturday." I added. "Simon you don't have to -" "I know. I want you to come." And that was the truth. I had never brought a girl home for Christmas, because my last girlfriend had a family of her own and never expressed wanting to meet my family, even if we were together for three years. But I still loved her. God how I had loved her. And the girlfriend before that was batshit crazy, proposing to me three times and kind of stalking me after I ended it. I glanced over at Mackenzie and saw her chewing on her lip lightly, obviously deep in thought. "My parents wouldn't mind at all. And you'd get to meet my brothers - Nick and Johnny." "Nick was my brother's name." She spoke softly and I could see her staring blankly straight ahead out of the corner of my eye. I didn't know what to say, so I was thankful when she spoke again. "What if your parents think I'm rude or something?" She was chewing on her lip again, an uneasy look plastered on her face. "You're always so kind, though. Which I've been meaning to ask how. How's it so easy for you to be kind to everyone? Even me when you didn't even know me?" "Because people have not been kind to me." It seemed like I stopped breathing when she said that. The pain in her voice caused me pain of my own. I just wanted her to be happy. Always happy. "Please come to Leeds with me. No one should spend Christmas alone." She leaned back in the seat and sighed. "I don't want you to pity me." And that did sound like it's what I was doing. But I wasn't. I wanted to spend Christmas with her. And I wanted to bless my family with her presence. "I seriously want you to go. I'm not pitying you." I said forcefully. "Sure." She said finally. "Yeah?" I looked over at her as I stopped the car in her driveway. She smiled at me, her beautiful bright smile that could blind people. The one that had something about it that made my heart flutter with joy. "Yeah."