Dear Ally

Chapter 13

Louis's POV:

I looked over to my side, and saw her. She was laying down, stuff as a board. I wanted to apologize, but she wouldn't take it. I wanted to talk, but she wouldn't respond. I want to say something, anything. But there would be no 'conversation'. She was done. Done with everything.

I couldn't take it. I was slowly watching her deteriorate, and it was causing me to do the same. I was dying inside, and so was she.

It was about 9 at night. Paul tried looking up information, but nothing could be found. I broke some shit. Maybe just a glass knick-knack. It made her cry. She didn't even stop me. She just cried. But she doesn't understand, this is what a situation like this does to me. It tears me to bits.

I wanted to go and find Rob and stab him. He deserves everything that I could possibly do to him. It pissed me off, all of it. I wanted him to die. I kept trying to convince myself that it was too harsh, but the world would be better if he did. Ally would disagree, but look what he did! He deserves it, for sure.

I can't get the feeling our image out of my head of Ally shaking in my arms. Was it fear? Coldness? Was it me that made her shake? I wanted to ask. I wanted to talk the problems away...that would never work. I'm lucky if she'll ever hug me again.

She doesn't want me anymore, does she? She doesn't want me in her life. She'd rather stay with Rob than be with the person who keeps causing all the trouble. I'd have to live without her. I can't...but she doesn't even want me. I don't even deserve her.

I started crying. I couldn't stop it, and it didn't matter anyways. I don't know how I could be such a fuck up, how I could ruin any of this even more. I was sniffling like the baby I am, the stupid, pathetic baby that makes up me. I can't even feel my heart beating anymore. It gave up. I was dead in my mind, yet my body still functioned.

"Stop that." Ally said softly. I looked over at her, blinking away the tears in my eyes. She leaned forward, and wiped the tears from under my eyes. She kept the same face. "Seeing you cry only makes me feel worse. I don't like seeing you broken."

"I don't like seeing you broken, either." I placed my hand over hers, and she didn't even move. Her hand was so cold, probably numb to her.

"I'm not broken yet. I just...can't let myself be." I looked at her, breathing in and out. This isn't broken? If this isn't broken...then what is?

"Why not?" She let her eyes look all over the room, but left her body paralyzed.

"I don't want you to be hurt, by seeing me hurt. I can't do that to you. I care about you too much." Her voice was so monotone, and the stun had done complete damage to her. Just this morning, it was the best time of our relationship. Then hours later, it gets ruined.

She ran her fingers over my bruised and cut hand, looking down at it. She just rubbed back and forth, like she could magically heal it. She can, but she doesn't see it. Her eyes got glossy, and she brought my had to her cheek. She started crying, holding it to her face. She sniffled, shaking her head.

"I ruined everything you had. I ruined everything. I've cause all the problems, and you've done nothing but be generous to me. I'm the biggest stressor in your life. Rob should just take me. That's what I deserve anyways."

"Stop it," I dropped my hand, "I can't take this! Don't ever, ever say that you deserve that. I don't care who you are, no one deserves that. Especially not you. Fuck, don't you even...I can't...I don't want to think about that. I don't want you to think about him. But it's impossible." She didn't answer. She just stared off behind me.

I saw my mum standing there, watching us. Both me and Ally were crying, and we looked like fools. She was holding onto my hand so tightly, and I was looking back at my mum. Ally let go of my hand, and stood up, walking stiff.