Funny Random Things That Only Nigerians Will Understand(ProjectNigeriaUC2017)

You'll Be On The Floor Laughing At The End

Early this morning, I had only N200 on me. So, I saw this little boy and sent him to buy me beans and bread .
I waited shaa... then I saw him coming without beans nor bread, but he was sucking Fãn yogurt with pie. So I asked him where's my beans he said when he was going to buy the beans my N200 got missing. So on his way back to tell me my money has got missing, he saw N200 on the floor and used it to buy his yogurt and pie.....
I was like MOGBE..

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In Hollywood, Merlin will say just two words and a fire breathing dragon will appear.
In Nollywood Odunlade will recite a whole book of incantation (366 pages) just to off candle. Then he'll finally tell you to bring the following: 8 virgin rat, 10 married ants, 7 pregnant mosquitoes, 2 lesbian hen.....To appease the gods ••••but Naija why???

Any Odunlade fans ouchea?

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CONVERSATION BETWEEN A MAD MAN AND A NORMAL MAN.
Norm. Man: Why is it that you people (mad people) always laugh when there's nothing to laugh about.
Mad man: It's because you people don't see what we see in madness
Norm. Man: What do you people see?
Mad man: Have you ever seen an ant breastfeeding it babies? Or dogs having a marriage ceremony?
Norm. Man: Burst out with laughter.. Hahahaha
Mad man: You see how you are laughing now, without even seeing what I used to see.. You will even laugh more than me when you become mad.

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You lavish 300k in a club and give a prostitute 15k. But you give your girlfriend 1k after washing your clothes and cleaning the house for you then you say you're testing her to find out if she is after your money.
Brother, the thunder that will fire you will be like Drug prescription; 3 in the morning, 3 in the afternoon and 3 at night.
Sho lo ya wehrey nii.

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No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference between the two words "COMPLETE" and "FINISHED". Some people say there is no difference between "COMPLETE" and "FINISHED", but there is. When you marry the right woman you are COMPLETE and when you marry the wrong woman,​ you are FINISHED!​ When your wife catches you with another woman you are
COMPLETELY FINISHED and when your wife likes shopping so much you are FINISHED COMPLETELY!

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I never knew our house has a lot of corners until my mum said " Iyabo, go and bring me those fried meat that is inside the home theatre carton at the back of the cupboard near the visitor's room."

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When you buy a phone of N640,000 and a SIM card of N50.
Few days later the phone gets missing and all you can say is " it's not even the phone that is paining me, it's the SIM card".
Alaye......, if I slap you eh, your ancestors will feel dizzy.

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If the children of Israel were like Girls of today while crossing the red sea, they would have spent the whole day in the middle of the sea, taking pictures and uploading it on Facebook, Whatsapp, BBM, Twitter
even on Instagram with comments like:
(1). Chilling with bro Moses.
(2). Miracle things on point.
(3). Cruising on the red sea.
(4). Omo see fish flexing.
(5). Pharaoh no fit catch us.
(6). Fish for sale, ping for delivery.
(7). Flexing with uncle Aaron
(8). Swimming mood activated.
(9). Me and my boo on fish hunting
(10). We don cross the red sea na God win.
Share with your friends and let them laugh too.

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English Language is not by force, if you can't speak correctly, kindly use pidgin or your mother Tongue. Today at First Bank, I told a girl "Excuse me, please move back I want to pass" and she said "PLEASE! PLEASE!! PLEASE!!! I can't go backer than this, this is the backest I can go, can't you see there is somebody in front of my back?"
Gbagam!! 3 people fainted. Overdose forming on pooiiint.

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REASON WHY SOME IGBO PEOPLE DON'T GREET ELDERS IN THEIR VILLAGE...
Just greet an old woman and she will tell you the story of your generation like;
"Morning Nwam, Bia, Is this not Okechukwu the son of Ebube, the man who raped two girls before getting married to Obiageli the daughter of the wine tapper who fell from a palm tree while staring at the buttocks of Juliliana the village famous prostitute who aborted sixteen pregnancies before getting married to Okeke the Dibia man from the neighboring village. Is it not your Grandfather that died of madness?
Nwam, so you have grown so big, Kedu?"
IGBO KWENO!!!

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Teacher: Why are you late 
Johnson: My parents were fighting.
Teacher: Is that a valid reason?
Johnson: Yes, my mom was using my shoe to beat Dad, so I had to wait.

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God help 9ja. Because someone couldn't afford #50 for transport fare, he trekked and trekked under the hot sun until his shadow left him and entered bike. No be joke.....

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Grandpa said to grand son,"See, your teacher is coming. Go and hide because you've missed school for two days." Grand son replied, "I took an excuse that you died; so go and hide."

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A teacher in Ogbomosho asked his students, 1+1= ?. A student stood up and said 4. An Edo man passing by overheard the response , he shook his head and said: "This APC government will kill us in this country, everything has increased: dollar, transport fare, fuel prices,foodstuff,... everything, even 1+1 that used to be 2 has now gone up to 4. Everything in Nigeria has increased, even the voice that usually say "to copy this tune press one" is now saying "to copy this tune press eleven". Don't laugh alone pass on to others too.

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That awkward moment when after inserting a Disc in your DVD and find out its a porn video.....immediately, NEPA takes light and brings it back in the night when your entire family has gathered to watch the film showing last memory.
You don die my brother start thinking of a suitable explanation to give.

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That's a wrap guys xxx. Flood the comments
#miraclesonpoint