Funny Random Things That Only Nigerians Will Understand(ProjectNigeriaUC2017)

Our Bible Reading

Our Reading For Today Is Taken From The Book Of APC
Chapter 1 Verse 1 To 19....

1. And it came to pass, when the Lord would punish Nigeria,
that he gave them a president
under whose hand they were mightily oppressed.

2. Before he ascended the throne, he made them hope, with all manner of promises, that he would bring them to the promised land before the coming year began.

3. Thus the inhabitants of Nigeria grew restless with their good condition, and sorely vexed the president under whose hand they had prospered, so that he would not have the office of the president again, but rather resented it.

4. In those days also the Boko haramites laid siege to the
north, and slew of the people three and twenty thousand,
intending to set up a kingdom which would be ruled by Islam.

5. Thus the inhabitants of Nigeria remembered not the good deeds of Jonathan, but thrust him out of the throne, and made Buhari president in his stead.

6. Buhari was two-score and twelve years old when he began
to reign. He reigned one and a half years in Nigeria, and the
land became impoverished under him and the hausites, the igbolites and yorubites began
murmuring against the President.

7. But the President continued to persecute also a few of the people, accusing them and casting them into prison. Thus,
the opposition was subdued, the people could not find bread and rice to eat and there was hunger in the land.

8. And the end became uncertain as there was wailing and gnashing of teeth and as soon as the president heard this he began to travel around d the world and in the middle of his reign he launched a campaign to say to the people "Change begins with you.

9. And in those days, there came a disagreement between the president and his household. And the woman of his 'old age (not youth)' chastised him in a proverb saying 'he who the gods want to remove from position he first makes deaf', as he no longer listens to her.

10. In response to her, while in a far away land with the
Germanites, he rebuked her and reminded her of her duties
as a wife, saying "while he belongs to everybody and
nobody, 'she belongs to the kitchen, the living room and the
other room'".

11. And these sentences caused
uproar and division in the land, which greatly caused division in the land among its inhabitants.

12 Tell it not in Germany. Tell it not in the streets of Abuja, how art the mighty fallen? Knoweth thou not that Sai Buhari has goofed and it's now "to your tents oh Nigerians!

13. And it came to pass, the seventh month in the year
twenty sixteen, that the LORD sent forth an Ideology through
the Son of Sergey, the Russianite whose name was Mavrodi.

14. For he shalt take the people out of slavery and deliver them out of poverty through that Ideology called MMM.

15. CBNites and SECnites shall gang up and fight against thee
but thou shalt conquer.

16. And for ye thou follow MMM, thou shalt be safe and be
delivered from slavery and poverty.

17.And it came to pass when the son of Sergey, Mavrodi saw the quantity of treasury the people of Nigeria has made into his ware-house (account) and then hardeneth his heart against the lord that sent him to deliver Nigerians from poverty and
made-away (defraud) with their treasury thereby causing
death, heartbreak, agony and gnashing of teeth in the Nation.

18.When Mavrodi saweth that there was agony and gnashing
of teeth in the land which he has done evil unto and the people were making burnt offerings to the lord their god against him,he then presented them with a false promise concerning the fourteenth day of the first month in the year twenty seventeen that there shall be a flow of milk and
honey in the land.

19.But verily verily I say unto you that surely thunder and
curse shall follow him all the days of his life and he shall beg
for bread in the land of Nigeria forever and ever if he did not return the joy and happiness of the people of the land.Amen