Animal

Chapter 41

Can a man be brave when he's afraid? That is the only time a man can be brave.

*NARRATOR'S POV*

"I have to."

Harry's heart stops beating, and the gaping hole it once took over begins to clench and squeeze his chest until he can't breathe. Louis' looking back up at him with sheer heartbreak and torment in his eyes. He's hurting just as much as Harry is, in physical form and in his heart.

Shaking his head in vivid desperation to get Louis to change his mind, Harry clasps both sides of the boy's face and minds the bump as he shuffles closer.

"No. No, darling." Harry grabbles for reasons to solidify his argument. "You're staying with me. You're always going to be mine, sweet boy."

"I want to." Louis is crying, hideous pathetic tears roll down his cheeks and graze Harry's face with how close they are. "I want to be yours. I am yours, you know that."

"I won't let you leave me." Harry says with grave determination. "Never."

"You won't change." Louis chews his lip, and oh so boldly nips at Harry's lower lip when the man tries to kiss him. "What have we seen of this terrible world and you still won't change!"

Harry has no words, just listens to Louis - his beloved - preach to him his own arrogance. It claws at his insides and tears his heart into broken pieces.

"What do I have to do to make things different?" Louis implores passionately. "We're not good enough to make you stop, are we? Bean and I?"

"No." Harry insists, chapped lips wobbling and eyes desolate.

"Harry, you know I'd stay with you even if my life was at stake." Louis twists a lock of Harry's hair in either hand, his fingers shaking with emotion. "But it's not just my life anymore. It's Bean's too, your daughter."

Harry's gripping Louis' waist like he's the only anchor the man's got planted in this world. He presses uncivilised kisses all over Louis' face and neck, half covering him with his body weight just to assert his reality.

"If losing you is the price I must pay-" Harry stares into Louis' deeply wounded Cerulean eyes. "-I would rather gut myself."

It brings a smile to Louis' face, albeit a shaky and wry one that hardly seems to be enough. "But what does that mean, 'arry?"

"It means that-" Harry swallows a rather big lump in his throat and he curls his fingers around Louis' throat. "-I was...I am not going to lose you."

Louis shakes his head no. "It's not that easy anymore, Haz."

"It is." Harry begs, begs from the bottom of his shallow heart. "It can be. Please."

"My baby, Harry." Louis sobs, hugging the man for comfort selfishly. "How can I ever let her down? Our little girl."

"You won't." Harry pulls the oxygen mask so hard the string snaps off and he hauls Louis onto his lap, shakily breathing as he holds the boy protectively. "I'll be right here."

"I can't let you." Louis cries, tears dampening Harry's shirt. "What if you hurt her?"

"I'd never-"

Louis has to stop him. He's well aware that Harry would rather drown himself over and over again that cause their daughter pain in any manner.

"I know, I know you'd never hurt her. I'm sorry." Louis scratches the tough fabric of Harry's jacket. "What if you get taken away? I can't...put her through that. I can't go through that."