What's Real

What I'll Remember

Nadia's POV

2 days without Derrick seems like a lifetime. I have no one to talk to, no one to laugh with...

No one to call my best friend.

His funeral is in 3 days. I'm supposed to be talking at his funeral, only since he asked me to if something were to ever happen to him.

I still haven't write what I'm going to say so most likely I'm going off of my head.

In addition to missing Derrick, I haven't been eating or sleeping. I've just been laying in bed trying to make myself believe that he's still here.

My mom slowly walked into my room.

"Hey, you need anything?" She said softly.

"..."

"Nadia"

I started crying.

She sat next to me and comforted me.

"I miss him so much" I sobbed.

"I know" she said.

"It's not fair"

...

...

...

Derrick's Funeral...

"It's didn't want to have to lay my best friend to rest today, I wanted to be spending my day laying in bed chilling... Derrick Dominic Sanders is my best friend. It's such a heartbreak to see him go so soon, so young."

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Derrick's dad walk in the funeral home and sit down.

"I'm at a loss for words, my best friend since 3rd grade... and he left. Of course he was my boyfriend at the time of his passing and in fact in about 8 months I'll be having his child."

After a while, I was on the verge of breaking down.

"What I'll remember about Derrick us his smile, his laugh, and his never-ending passion for basketball. I won't remember the hard times he had trying to fit in, all the times he came to me crying because he missed his mom... I don't want to remember watching him slip out of my hands because he wanted to die... I don't want to remember him pleading me to let go of him. But now he doesn't have to hurt to fit in anymore, because his angel fits in perfectly with all the others up in heaven. Including his mom."

I sat down and it was a wrap after that. There was no holding back these tears anymore.

When it was time for the last view of him I'd ever get, I didn't go up.

I didn't want to remember him laying dead in a casket. It didn't even look like him, but that's what death looks like...

It's post mortem.

After the funeral, I was trying to head to my car but his dad just so happen to meet me at my car.

"What you said was beautiful" he said.

I scoffed. "Fuck you"

"It's about time the little Fuck up killed himself anyway" he said.

I turned around.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard m-"

I punched him before he could finish and he fell to the ground.

"He was still a better man than you'll ever be" I said.

"Nadia"

I kicked him in the head and knocked him out.

"Nadia!" My mom said.

"Let me go" I said.

I got in my car and drove off.

Even if Derrick is gone, I'm not going to let someone disrespect him...

...

...

...

This is to anyone that has ever dealt with a tough loss...

My mom always told me to think of Earth as a rose garden. All of God's children, meaning us, represent the roses in that garden. One day, God comes to the rose garden to pick the best looking rose, the most beautiful one whether that means he picks one or one million. If he picks that rose, and that rose just so happens to be yours or a loved ones, it means he's calling you home and your time on Earth is over.

To some it may be confusing, to others you may get it. It's very complex and hard to understand but giving it some thought it's beautiful. You may also think 'Well why does it have to be my rose or my family member's rose?'.

The answer to that is God is unpredictable.

It's been tough writing these last couple of chapters because I hate killing a main character, but I did it to create a theme.

The theme is to love and cherish one another because you never know what one is going through and they very well could be thinking of taking their own life. People get so caught up on themselves or trying to bring others down that they don't realize that what they say could be the thing that causes someone to end their own life.

There's so much hate in the world about being unique and being yourself.

Whether it be someone being gay, lesbian, transgender, bisexual, special needs, etc. people are always there to bring someone down.

It's hard to be unique and yourself because people are quick to judge and quick to act.

Even though this book is far from over (I actually have a sequel), I'll tell you that I've put some of my own experiences and everyday life challenges into this book, and it's definitely hard writing some chapters without bursting into tears.

With that being said, I want everyone that reads this book to comment what you think about this chapter, and then I want you to go tell someone you kow that you love them and that you care, because they could need it.

(And tell them to read this book lol)

Last thing, also tell your mom or dad or someone very important to you that you love them, because they are the real MVP's. They don't have to do what they do, but they do it because they love us.

This chapter is dedicated to my mom, because I I wouldn't be able to function without her. May she live for many more decades to come.