March One Shots (girlxgirl)

"Elusive 'R.'"

"Elusive 'R.'"
MarchxR
MarchxSailor

"Once upon a time, there was a girl named March.

I don't really talk about myself. I'm more interested in thinking about how this world works and of the other people in it. I know everything about myself already pretty much, so there's not much for me to pick out and meditate on. But when it comes to others, I find them infinitely interesting. I don't know what's going on with them, aided by the fact that I don't easily read people. So I have to rely on what I observe them doing and what they say. What others say goes into account too, but that's more of an indication about the speaker themself versus who they are speaking of."

I paused as I saw shapes move in the backyard through my bedroom window. It was my siblings, playing in the backyard due to the warm spring this year. My window was open and my parents had told me not to close it, so I could no longer speak to myself in open soliloquy as I had been, because I honestly didn't want anyone else hearing.

My siblings and my parents too, they think I'm weird. Mostly because I don't fit in that well. I speak to myself because I'm comfortable with yes, myself, and because I don't have anyone else at my side to talk to. I've always had to be my own best friend, so to talk to myself, in thoughts or out loud, is normal.

I have good friends. Remi, Serendipity, Virgo...I trust them, but they don't even know everything about me. I tell them things, but they don't really even see how each piece I give them is only a small part of the larger me. I could never give them everything, so I settle to give them as much as is important.

One of the things that hurt me once is that Serendipity told me after a conversation, "I didn't know you were deep. I mean, I didn't think of you as kiddie pool shallow or anything like that, just not...deep."

I don't like to be the one to declare, I'm this, or I'm that, but I'm certainly a deep person. I'm so deep that even I don't see the bottom of how far I go. We're in everything, that is, a part of everything, and deepness is just recognizing it as well as learning to use that. We're all so connected to others and the world around us, in every breathing animal and every sleeping stone. We are the world and the world is certainly in us.

With God as my witness, I've always felt like I'm alone because I've been busy worried about doing something to fix this broken world we're in. At first, it was inventing some great invention to fill a little empty niche in the world's problems. There's a lot to work on to solve. Poverty, starvation, clean water, genocide, slavery...didn't know the last one was still a problem? Today there are more slaves in the human trafficking system than in the 1800s, when it was legal. Now, when it's illegal in all counties, or supposed to be, there are still many, many thousands of slaves right under our noses. That "prostitute" might be a sex slave from Egypt, sold by her parents when she was a teenager in hopes she would be taken to America to make good money as a domestic servant, but she was actually sold for good to be pimped, often with the girl's parents being paid the equivalent of...thirty dollars for her.

I had the ideas for a good invention or two, as well as a tiny bit of talent for tinkering, but my inventor dreams died sometime during junior high school. Don't ask. My next dream was to be somebody's absolute best friend. To never hurt them, be forever loyal, and stick together for the rest of our lives. I ended up broken and crying out my eyes when nobody was around for the next month after that dream burned to ashes. Again, don't ask.

My new dream is to change the world with my poetry. I want to write something so amazing that it fills someone's heart and makes them for the better. See, even though I've been broken, I just keep on dreaming to make somebody, anybody's world better. I've suffered. I know we all suffer. If I can make just one person's life get better, then my life's goal will be complete. We all suffer. Why can't we try to make each other better? I want to fix somebody, since I don't think I can fix myself. Don't ask about that either.