This is one of my craps... Medyo nag-alinlangan pa ako kung ipopost ko pero sige. I want to know how you feel. Thank you!
THE OTHER HALF
People thought you wouldn’t have the power to turn events if you’re not involved in the situation. They easily accept things and wouldn’t fight for it once they know there’s a barrier. But I am not one of them. I know there’s a barrier between him and me but I have all the power to break it.
I love reading and so is writing. I fell in love with reading at first. It came to the extent I would sacrifice my 8 hour sleep and even skip my major classes just to finish a book I’ve started reading the other day. Reading makes me feel it is something worth the sacrifice. Reading screams freedom. On the other side of the table writing is served. Writing taught me to travel without even moving my feet. And while reading screams freedom, writing on the other hand screams power.
It is the power which I can use to change something against my liking, including him being in a relationship with the most beautiful lady in town.
I write fiction online. It was just a hobby at first but after receiving too much offers from different small companies, I started writing with pure heart, it wasn’t fiction though. I was offered to write blog entries every three days for a specific matter. Fortunately since I started blogging for others, I earn even a small amount of money which was very helpful for my living as the breadwinner.
Anyway, back to fiction… I love them. I love the idea that you can go to different places using words. I love the idea of making all things possible. I love the idea of breaking barriers which I know I can’t in real life.
So here it is…
There’s this guy I’ve met on the enrollment day. He’s not much of guy ladies fall for. He’s that tall, tan, thin guy you’d never failed to see during lunch breaks. I don’t know much about him. I just have the knowledge that he’s committed and that really sucks.
I didn’t really like him. I don’t know how it happened. It was fast-paced. Maybe because I am used to seeing him every break and I got attached. He rarely smiles and when he does, it’s either he’s with his friends or girlfriend. He’s not everyone’s best friend. He’s not that bright looking unless he sits next to the cafeteria’s window. I started developing this crazy thought inside of me one Friday noon when he sat right in front of me. Not really in front but we’re facing each other.
That was the time I learned he has three moles in his face. I don’t even have the idea how I did see those tiny moles. I just did. Then I thought maybe because I focused too much looking at his face that he found it weird so he looked away. He has tiny nose and a pinkish lips. He’s also a single eyelid dude. He’s either Chinese or Japanese. I don’t really care about his race. I care about him. And when I say him, I meant his existence.
I am not that lady who commits with a guy, having a long term relationship with a guy or even holding a guy’s hand. I am not the romantic type of a lady. I am the lady who avoids having cheesy conversations and also the lady who hates happy endings. I rarely write happy endings and when I do, it’s either failed or too cheesy for my liking. Happy endings aren’t really for me. I chose tragic over anything else. Just, because my whole life is tragic.
I liked a guy. He’s the guy who doesn’t even talk to me or even spend seconds just to look at me. I may be tall but I never seen him lent his eyes on me whenever the crown is full and I know I stand out. I can see that he’s too focused on this very lucky girl he used to be together with for 2 years, as I’ve heard. I don’t know that it felt like this. I wasn’t prepared. I was trapped and I don’t know the way out.
Well, for 2 months. For two fucking months I became their number 1 audience. Arms wrapped, sparkling eyes, those unstoppable laughter. They’re in love. Deeply. Badly. Madly in love with each other. That’s the barrier everyone is afraid of. But luckily, I am one of those who figured the only way out. I figured that out for two fucking months, and now, I am ready to go out from this madness.
I started writing my third story online. The Other Half. It was all about them. How they laugh, how they eat, how they hold hands, how he kisses her forehead whenever they part ways, how they look at each other with spark… it was all about them… it was all about them slipping away from each other. They made the barrier and I was about to break it myself.
The Other Half means him. He, who I liked after how many months of starring and chasing. He. who I liked despite the lack of information I have on hand. He, who I liked because everything he does is beyond perfection. He, who I like because I just did.
Nobody else knew how much it pains me seeing him talking to her on Facebook. Yes, we’re friends and there’s no way I would unfriend him despite those cheesy monthsary posts, those sweet goodnights which he never fails to post every night, those screenshots of their funny conversations which aches me every time they appear on my wall. Sometimes, I intentionally look for it… just to realize I’ve never broke the barrier yet.
“Let’s end this,” I typed while imagining the scene really happening right in front of me. “It’s not working anymore. You’re not for me and vice versa.”
She reached for his hand but he immediately withdrew. He doesn’t even want to touch her skin. It looks unbearable at her part and that’s the only token he could give, it’s to not let her feel the pain. “It’s so sudden… we haven’t--“
“You’re not like her.”
“What about her?”
“She loves me more than anyone and anything else.”
She cried, “But I chose you over everyone.”
“That’s past,” he said sounding so factual as ever. “While she can do anything for me anytime I want.”
“I can do--“
“Everything ends, including us.”
I laughed bitterly while typing. Then, there. There are no words left. Everything ends, including this thing I’m up to. I can never write about us. I can only write about them. How they’ll end or how they’ll get tired with each other. I can only write about how they used to be happy but eventually got tired and let each other go.
That’s the only thing I could do. I always see them. They’re still together. No matter how many words I type. No matter how many ending scenes I imagine. That fact will never be changed that they’re still together and their eyes still spark at the sight of each other. They are the fire and their affection is the gas.
I could only imagine one day he’ll sit beside me during break. He’ll smile but wouldn’t talk. He’ll offer me his food and I’ll accept it in return also not having the strength to even open my mouth. Everybody will look at us, including his ex-girlfriend, Casey. We would exchange smiles after eating half our snacks. He would eventually ask for my number so that we’ll be exchanging goodnights every night. He would pick me up at 5 o’clock and accompany me home while holding his bag’s right strap because he’s too embarrassed to hold my hand. We would talk nonstop and wouldn’t end up getting tired at all. He would confess everything the next day with matching roses and cardboards held by his friends. We would commit. We would be finally together. We would be finally called a couple. I can finally call him my boyfriend. I can finally hold hands with him. I can finally cry him all the pain he had gave me. I can finally smile pure happiness.
Fiction.
That’s the other half of my planet where I chose to live in. That’s the other half of my planet where I used to vent all my frustrations out. He’s mine… but only through words. I can hold his hand anytime I want to… but only through my thoughts and imagination.
He is mine.
Unfortunately, he lives in reality and I live in fiction.
THE END
