My Name Is Alexander [LAMS]

But He Couldn't

A/N: 23.3K reads???? Wtf????? How.did.this.happen..? I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH! Ahhhhhhh thanks for reading this piece of trash honestly! And I'm so sorry for taking so long </3 ahh I love you!! <333

John knew they needed to tell someone about what happened, he couldn't just stay quiet about it with Alex being practically at Mr.King's reach during school. With Mr.King being able to hurt him again anytime. And John couldn't, he had to do something, anything, just do something!

But he didn't.

It hurt, he felt he was doing everything wrong, but he didn't do anything. Right now the last thing Alex needs is his trust to be broken. Alex trust is something valuable and difficult to earn, and he couldn't break it, he's already suffering too much and John won't be the one to add another thing to his list.

So he did what he could.

Over the last week John practically became Alex's guard dog, taking him to all of his classes, waiting for him outside the bathroom and always making sure they are as far from King as posible. During lunch break they escaped to the school rooftop and there they ate in silence.

Everyday day Alex would cry in John's arms on the rooftop, he had started having nightmares about the incident and it never seemed to leave his conscience alone.

"It just doesn't stop" He said one of those days. "I've always been confronted with my own thoughts, bothering me when I'm alone. But he is just always there. He's always in the back of my mind like a monster, every time I'm alone all the memories, the nightmares, it just– everything, it doesn't leave me alone, I can still feel his hands John, his gross breathing behind my ear. John I can feel him. Staring at me in the halls, he looks at me with the same eyes he did when he found me outside the bathroom, like he wants to eat me alive. I don't know why he seems so convinced I'm lying, I didn't do anything wrong, I just wanted to be normal. Just wanted to be like everyone else..Why me? Why me, why me...."

And John couldn't do anything but hug him tight and whisper empty promises in his hair saying that everything will be alright.

When the nightmares started, Alex began to call John every night with silent sobs praying he didn't woke up the Washingtons. He tried to tell him everything but always ended up breaking down, and John couldn't do anything but try to conform him over the phone.

He remembers Alex saying between sobs "I just wish you were here" He cried. "I want you to hug me, I want to hear your real voice, it sounds weird over the phone y'know? I want to be with you, but I can't never seem to have nice things in my life, can't I?"

Alexander had wanted to take the razor in his hands many times and make the pain melt away in pools of red, but he opted to dial John's phone number in the middle of the night and tell him to sing for him while curled in a corner of the cold bathroom floor. It isn't the same, but is enough. He hopes is enough.

John wishes he could take all of Alexander's pain away.

But he couldn't.

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