My Name Is Alexander [LAMS]

One Last Time

That nightmare of a school day was finally over for Alex, or it would be if he didn't have the obligation of having to drag his legs and feet to detention when he only wants to hide under his bed covers and cry until the moon comes out to watch his sorrows fall on a dreamless sleep. He felt so tired, he just wanted to fall on the floor, there in the school halls and just sleep, hopefully never waking up.

He found John on this way to the classroom and clung on him because he felt like he would fall if he didn't. The taller boy wrapped an arm around his waist and supported him without asking a word. He noticed the many tiny braids he had made on his curly hair remained there, and smiled to himself because it looked pretty. Unlike him.

John opened the door and saw the same kids he always saw on detention. The teacher wasn't even here and everyone was talking and making noise.

"Nice braids, fag!" Some kid yelled.

Alexander snapped his head up at the comment and yelled back with the last of his remaining energy. "Excuse me I would like you to know that his braids are awesome because I made them and–!"

"Alex? Johnny?" Called someone from the back of the classroom, making Alexander abruptly stop his rant.

"Lafayette!?" The boys exclaimed full of surprise.

"What are you doing here?" John asked as they sat down besides him.

"I may have punched a fille for saying shit about ma sœur, in the face"

"Oh, damn"

"Yeah, Im sorry for what's happening mon petite chat. You too John, they aren't being, how you say? Friendly to you either"

"Don't worry, I can take it" He said  nonchantly, Alex nodded softly besides him.

"Do you guys wanna hang out later with Hurc? That would distract you guys from all this désordre"

"I.." Alex wanted to say yes, he knew he should want to go. But, he didn't. He just waned to curl up in a corner and die. To cry in his bathroom and hug his lion stuffed animal like his life depended on it. He didn't want to disappoint Lafayette, but going out would be like torture right now. "I think I'll pass"

"Me too, I'm not in the mood today" John answered after him.

"Je comprends"

The rest of the hour went on with a killing silence.

—~•~—

When he arrived home he didn't say hello and ran upstairs to his room with silent footsteps. Alex locked his door and grabbed his lion stuffed animal and hugged him until his arms hurt from hugging it so tight. If he tried hard enough he could still feel the smell of his mom's hair on the plushie but he knew it wasn't there, and that it was only a memory.

He threw himself on the bed and felt the mattress sinking below his weight. He was getting fat, he noticed, he was eating too much. At this rate his bony body would start to gain meat and with that he would get curves and his breasts would grow and he would look more feminine. Maybe he should stop eating altogether until his stomach eats itself and his body stops working to the point he won't be able to stand up from his bed and he would stay there forever in a dreamless sleep of nothing.

Tears burned in his eyes but he didn't want to pour them because he didn't want to be weak. Boys don't cry he told himself, and then mentally scolded his thoughts because that was sexist. He was becoming one of them. Those horrible kids.

When he came to The United Stated he was promised a better life with better people and better opportunities. Yes, he had a better life but still felt selfish because it felt like hell. Every word and slur burned into his skin, into his brain until he himself believed each one of them.

He just wanted to sink into the mattress and disappear forever.

He turned his head around and looked at the bathroom door.

One last time.