Excerpt from a Book I will Never Write

36

People say that i'm easily offended and that i need to be splendid. because i'm a girl right? because i'm so sensitive and emotional. i cry for no reason and that i sometimes say what i don't mean. but i can't help it because it's all inside of me. after a few days it goes away, so in 5 years, it disappears, right?
'you are worthless'
i hear as my mind gets a strong ache. i'm expected to shrug it off like its no big deal.
"sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me"
that's what we're all taught right? so i lay down because like i mentioned earlier, my heart hurts. my eyes water like it does every night, it's okay because in 5 years, it disappears. i hear my bedroom door lock, footsteps going out the front door going who-knows-where. my eyes water more it feels like my pillow soaked the ocean. i get colder as my mind feels like a darkness creeping up on me in this abyss where i can't miss his words echo
                       Love.
a word that can be tossed around easily but it's very powerful, yet i don't believe any of it.
why should i ? when "i hate you" has been said the same amount of times.
                      Hate.
a word that has a negative connotation and not usually tossed but very powerful.
what's the difference? they're both just words. just words that causes me to meet with darkness. just words that i dread and i can't get out. just words just words in my head that inspired me to find a different route.