Excerpt from a Book I will Never Write

121

"I just want everyone to know that I'm okay. I'm okay and I'm just taking some time off and just taking some time to breathe and that it doesn't matter whatever happens. That I'm always gonna be okay. For anyone who doesn't know what's going on there's pretty much nothing going on, it's just my brain that's going on and it's driving me insane and all I wanna do is just be in my house. I'm so fucking sick. I'm so fucking sick of the world. People aren't mean to me, but I hate seeing people be mean to other people. If I could save other people, I'd rather save them than myself. But how can I save other people when I'm not even alive. I just wish this brain could stop wanting to hurt myself. I just wish I could finally find a way to cure myself. I'm trying, I'm trying so fucking hard and it sucks because I'm trying to be a good person and that sucks because I put people in front of me, I put people before me. Whether I'm here or not the sun will continue to shine, the grass will continue to grow, the birds will continue to sing, the trees will grow and people will live and the world will continue it's cycle and I will just be another person in history. No one will remember but... this is so depressing and I don't want to depress people. I can't sleep properly because who can sleep when your brain is constantly ticking and, I'm just..going insane. I hope whoever is reading this is having a really nice day somewhat better than mine, but either way I'm going to be okay 'cause we're all fucking fighters, you are too. Please don't ever feel the way that I do, please don't ever beat yourself up, please never hate yourself. Keep yourself together, keep yourself alive. Do whatever the fuck you can, do whatever the fuck you can to stay alive."