Infinity and Beyond

30 - Right At Home

Emily

Waking up engaged didn't really feel any different, I suppose, until I thought about the fact that I was engaged. At first, I was just a bit confused as to why I woke up staring at a candle by the bed that had never been there before, and why there was a ring on my finger when I always took all of my jewellery off before I went to sleep. In my half awake state, it didn't make any sense, but then I rolled over and as soon as I saw Ashton everything came flooding back to me with a flutter of my heart. He knew I was pregnant, and then we went out to celebrate - at least, that's what I thought. But then we got back and he proposed, and of course I'd said yes. I was engaged.

He was fast asleep - unsurprising seeing as he'd only been back from England a day, and he hadn't exactly gotten much chance to rest since, not to mention the fact that we'd been up for hours. It must have been at least three in the morning before we'd even settled down to try and sleep, and with so much excitement I'd lain awake for ages, despite how tired I had felt. I didn't know what the time was now, so after I lay staring at my fiancé Ashton (I was sure I would never get tired of saying it) for a while I reached over and checked my phone. My heart gave another flutter when I saw my lock screen: we had already taken so many photos and I hadn't wasted any time in setting one as my background, with Ashton holding the hand he wasn't taking the photo with to my stomach, while we kissed and my hand rested on his cheek, perfectly showcasing the ring. It was one of many and it took me a while to choose, but he had one on his phone too so that together we showed off two of the best.

Whilst staring at the picture I'd forgotten that I was supposed to be checking the time, and I had to turn it back on to do so. It was only seven thirty, but now that I was awake my mind was too active to go back to sleep. I spent a short while flicking through the numerous photos we'd taken, then slid out of bed and crept into the bathroom. I luckily didn't tend to get nauseous until later on in the morning, nearer midday, so at least had the first part of the morning to relax and get ready for the day before I had to worry about it. At least now, though, I had Ashton by my side. Luke and Michael had been great, but it wasn't the same and I still felt bad for bothering them no matter how many times they reassured me that it was more than okay.

It felt strange walking back out of the bathroom and to the bed again, through the spot where Ashton proposed. The last time I woke up in this room I spent almost half an hour crying because Ashton had left and I was alone and pregnant. I didn't know what was going to happen and I couldn't have been more scared. Yet just a week later and here I was, with things looking even more certain than they had before. It might not have been what I expected, at least not yet, but we were starting a family together and now I was going to marry the love of my life.

Ashton was still sound asleep and I didn't want to wake him yet, so I sat down on the floor between the bed and the wardrobe and took out the box from underneath the bed that Ashton had put the pregnancy tests in yesterday. It wasn't just an empty box, although it had been when we first bought it of course. Since then it had become both a compact but more in depth version of our photo wall. It was only the size of a shoebox, but held memories of every even slightly significant part of our lives from the last year and a half. Plane tickets, concert tickets, backstage passes, cards, and just little knick knacks and souvenirs from places we'd been, like a postcard from Mexico and a mini certificate from the scuba diving on our road trip. Now, there were also the two pregnancy tests sat on the top, and I knew that in just a few weeks there would be scans to go on top of that too, and eventually even more. Someday, there would be a wedding invitation, and maybe a wristband from the hospital when I had the baby, and then more things than I could even pinpoint from when our baby grew up.

As more was added to it, it only seemed right to look at what we already had, before it was buried in baby stuff and wedding memoirs and all sorts of new memories. I emptied it bit by bit, inspecting and reading each thing before I placed it on the floor beside me. Once I'd made my way through it all I started piling it back in, taking great care with all of it. On the top, right next to the pregnancy tests, I rested down the four pieces of paper with which Ashton had asked me to marry him that had been sat on the dresser next to the, now empty, ring box. My heart fluttered for the third time - would it ever stop doing that? Would I ever get to grips with the fact that Ashton had proposed, and that we were having a baby?