Infinity and Beyond

38 - Merry Christmas

Ashton

Emily couldn't look when we first posted the announcement. It was on my Instagram but went onto Twitter too, both from my account and several update accounts, and within what seemed like minutes both '#CongratsAshtonandEmily' and 'Baby Irwin' were trending. Most of the initial reactions were a lot of 'WHAT's and 'OH MY GOD's with several keyboard smashes thrown in, and it wasn't for a little while after that we started getting proper messages. There were of course a few people not best pleased with the news, but on the whole it was all very positive.

"Is it good? Is it bad?" Emily asked, literally from behind her hands.

"It's good," I reassured her. "Do you want to see?"

"I don't know, do I?"

"Yes! Look, this is a really nice one," I said, showing her just one of hundreds of tweets I was getting. She cautiously looked at it, then removed her hands from her face and started looking through more. In the end we must have spent at least an hour just reading through the messages that seemed constant. We managed to just about forget about it while we were having dinner, but as soon as we finished we were back on our phones looking through it all. Emily's mum asked what was going on and laughed when we explained, but otherwise just left us to it. Later on Emily posted on her own Instagram too, adding a photo of me down on one knee from the video and another of the scan picture, with the caption 'I said yes...the baby didn't have much choice', although all of her followers pretty much knew by then anyway. She used to have her account on private, and had never once changed it, so even when we started going out there was nobody following her who she didn't know and she could still post photos of us without worrying about the fans. Unfortunately, it got hacked last year and taken off private, and despite recovering it quickly lots of fans had already seen her account or followed it, so since then she just left it. She wasn't overly comfortable with it to begin with, but now I think she'd gotten used to it and didn't mind so much. Plus, the fans didn't exactly complain about the extra photos they got, so whilst there was some hate she also got a lot more positivity since.

Spending all evening scrolling through social media was, as it turned out, exhausting, so it wasn't long before we were both passed out asleep in bed and the next time I opened my eyes was on the morning of Christmas Day. Emily was still fast asleep and I didn't want to wake her, she looked so peaceful. So much travelling recently would tire anyone out - I know it had wiped me out - but especially when she was pregnant, and dealing with losing her dad just a month and a half ago. She hadn't mentioned it yet, but I could tell she was struggling to get to grips with the fact that this was the first Christmas without having him around. She had spent Christmas without her parents before, but this was different. It had never been the same as this.

While she was still resting, I placed my hand on the bump and, all the while checking to make sure I wasn't waking her up, gently rubbed my thumb up and down it. To think that this time next year we would be spending Christmas with our son or daughter made me feel so excited I wasn't sure I would be able to contain myself for the next few months. For now, all I could do was make the most of moments like this which, as special and magical as they were, I was sure would be nothing in comparison to actually holding the baby. The day Emily told me she was pregnant, I said to myself that I would make the most of each and every day until the baby was born. It was difficult, though, when with each morning that came around and each sunset, I knew our baby was that tiny bit bigger and a little bit closer to being with us. And whilst I wanted to wait until it was born to find out the sex, I was beyond eager to find out if we were having a baby boy or girl. If it was a boy, then I would have a mini me and the thought of that made me unbelievably excited. If it was a girl...well, then there would be a mini Emily, which was even more perfect. And maybe then, there would actually be another girl I could love as much as her.