Song - A Great Big World - Say Something
3 Months later
My drinking was totally out of control, I would drink when I could, vodka was the best as you can't smell it on your breath, I struggled to even not drink when I had Daisy with me.
Harry and I had been arguing constantly, but the worst thing was I'd been seeing Liam too, I thought Harry didn't care about me anymore and he was only with me for Daisy, Liam never asked about my drinking, it's like he blocked it out because the majority of times we had sex I was drunk
Lou had tried talking to me but I just told her I was fine, nothing to worry about, but I couldn't stop, I felt like my life was on self destruct, I was losing grip on reality, I was losing Harry too, this made me drink more, I loved him so much, him and Daisy were my everything, this is why I went to Liam I knew he wanted me
One night I told Harry I was going to meet some friends, he just nodded and I left, I made my way to Liam's stopping off on the way to get my vodka, only a small bottle to keep in my bag, when I got to Liam's we hadn't even got into the house properly and we were ripping at each other clothes, we actually made it to his bedroom, I needed to feel wanted and Liam made me feel like this.
I arrived back home about 11.30pm and tried to creep through the door, I looked in the living room it was dark, I walked into the dark kitchen and turned the light on as I needed my vodka fix before bed, I jumped when I turned the light on as Harry was sat at the table surrounded by empty bottles I had hidden over the house
In stood staring at the bottles and Harry, "Where have you been?" He asked in a stern voice, "Out with the girls, you know that" he slammed his hands down on the table, I jumped "I'll ask you again, where have you been?" "You know...." Harry cut me off mid sentence, he jumped up off the chair, "Don't fucking lie to me Lily, I know where you have been" my heart was racing, "I don't know what you mean?" I stuttered, Harry pushed me up against the wall by my throat, his face contorted with anger, he realised what he had done and let go of me and backed away, I rubbed my neck where his hands had been, "WHY? Why are you fucking Liam?" I felt like my heart had been ripped out, "I'm not", I replied, Harry laughed, "Lily I know you are, I know you were with him tonight, what's happened to you? You have no interest in me or Daisy anymore, all you think about is yourself and your vodka obviously" he pointed to numerous empty bottles on the table
"I love you" I whispered, "What? I didn't quite catch that" Harry shouted, "I love you" I repeated again, "Do you? Do you really? Fucking hell Lily, you don't have a clue what your doing, if you loved me you wouldn't be fucking Liam" "I do it cos he wants me, you don't want me" I screamed at him, he ran up to me his face right infront of mine, "I would have done anything for you, anything, but you have killed anything we ever had now, you disgust me, Liam doesn't love you like I do, I would have give my life for you" he moved away from and walked to table and picked a bottle up and threw against the wall, I hunched down as the bottle past me, "Get your vodka, get your things and fucking get out, and don't even think about taking Daisy with you" "Harry" "NO NOT FUCKING HARRY, GET THE FUCK OUT NOW LILY" I didn't answer back I picked my bag up and ran to the front door, I walked out of house and looked back expecting him to have come after me but no I was alone, I wandered the streets till I found a late night cafe, I thought about calling Liam but I knew that was a bad idea, I ended up calling Lou, she came out and picked me up
I woke the next morning with the worse headache ever, the light from the sun hurting my eyes, then I felt this pain in my chest, not physical pain, it was like a dull ache, then it hit me why
I went downstairs to Lou who looked angry, "Afternoon" she said sarcastically, I pulled a chair out and sat down, "You need to sort yourself out, what the fuck is wrong with you? You had it all, you have fucking blown it all away, why the drinking? Lou shouted, I winced at the volume of her voice, "I don't know why I drink, I can't stop, I just can't" I replied, "Well you fucking have too, you have a daughter who needs you, Harry would have done anything for you, he's devastated, and Liam what the fuck is that about?" I rested my head on the table, "I don't know Lou" "Well sort yourself out Lily, I'll help you but until you want to help yourself their is nothing anyone can do" Lou told me
I knew Lou was right, but I needed a drink now!!!
