5 months later
Finding out I was pregnant 3 months in to the tour was a complete surprise, Harry was driving me mad, constantly asking me if I was ok, if he could have wrapped me up in cotton wool I'm sure he would, Daisy was so excited constantly chattering on that she wanted a brother, I was just in shock, we hadn't planned to have another baby yet, infact we hadn't even talked about it properly, my stomach was growing at a fast rate, I'd look in the mirror and just stare, this pregnancy was so different from Daisy, I was so excited to have her but this one just felt so different, I quite resented the fact that my body was changing, and I knew it would change the dynamics totally within our little family
One day by a pool in Miami on some precious time off for the boys, I was watching Daisy playing in the pool screaming & laughing with Harry & Niall, Lou threw herself down a sun bed next to me and reached over and touched my stomach, "Look at you now" she laughed, "Lou, just don't" I snapped, she sat up and looked at me, "What's wrong Lily?" sounding concerned, "I look a fucking mess, I'm fat and ugly" my eyes filling with tears, "Lily you look amazing, you are pregnant, you will get fat, you have a life growing inside you" she smiled slightly, "Its not supposed to be like this" I replied, "What do you mean? Lou asked, "I didn't want another baby yet, we had just got married and I wanted to spend some time after the tour with Harry and Daisy not be looking after a screaming baby" Lou frowned, "I didn't know you felt like this! Have you told Harry how you feel?" Lou asked, "No, no you mustn't tell him either, he's so excited about this baby" I snapped again, "Lily calm down, it's not good for baby to get so anxious" "That's it exactly it's not good for the baby, what about me?" I stood up now, "Fuck all this" I shouted at her
I started to walk back into the hotel, I could hear Harry shouting me I just ignored him, as I walked through the foyer I noticed people sat in the bar, I needed a drink right now, I walked in and sat at the bar, "Yes what can I get you?" The bartender asked me, "Vodka, double vodka" I said quietly, the bartender obliged and put the glass down on the bar infront of me
I stared down at the clear liquid in the glass, and then stared at my growing stomach, I don't know how long I had been sat there when Harry took the seat next to me, "Hey" he said, I just carried on looking at the glass, "What you got there then?" Harry asked, "Vodka" I replied, "Aren't you going to drink it then?" He said, I now lifted my head up to look at him, "Yes" I replied, "Drink it then, don't sit looking at it, do it, drink it now" he said his voice low, "I will when I'm ready" I snapped, Harry shouted the bartender, "Can I have the same as this please?" He asked him, the bartender put the glass down infront of Harry now, I stared at the two glasses filled with vodka
"Right let's drink them" Harry said, "Why are doing this? Why are you making me do this? Raising my voice, people starting to stare now, "Because I know you don't want to or else you would have drank it ages ago, I'm trying to prove a point" he snapped, my hand moved to the glass and picked it up, "Fuck you" I said to Harry and slammed the glass down on the bar smashing it everywhere, I got up and ran out of the bar and out of the hotel, sobs wrecking my body, I hated myself, I hated my baby, what is wrong with me?
I sat down on a wall outside the entrance to hotel, I felt him sit down next to me again, "Talk to me Lily" Harry said, "Just go away Harry" I stood up again now to walk away, Harry stood up and grabbed me by both arms, "What the fuck is wrong with you? I want to help you, Lily please" I manoeuvred myself out of grip, "I don't want this baby Harry" I shouted, his face dropped, "What do you mean you don't want it?" He shouted back, "I just want it to be me, you and Daisy, I didn't want this to happen yet, I'm fat and ugly, I don't want a screaming baby, I don't want to change nappies, I don't want any of it" my tears falling now, Harry looked so hurt, "So you don't want our child?" I looked in his eyes, the hurt had completely took over them, "No I don't" I bowed my head
Harry shoved his hand through his damp hair, I stood in silence, "I just don't understand what's going on here" Harry said, "It doesn't mean I don't love you" I replied, "You love me but you don't want our child, yeah I totally get that" he said sarcastically, "I'm sorry" I started to walk off, Harry followed a few steps behind me, we arrived back at the hotel room, "Where's Daisy?" I asked him, "Are you bothered? I'm surprised you kept Daisy now seeing as you don't want my children" he hissed, "Don't be a fucking arsehole, Daisy is my life you know that" I shouted, I turned round and saw him leave and slam the door
I sat looking round the room, i picked the phone up and asked them to arrange 2 flights back to London, I then started to pack, I was advised our flight was 9pm that night, I needed to get Daisy and go
I found Daisy sat with Harry at the pool area playing on his phone, Harry totally ignored me, "Daisy come with me please" I asked, she gave Harry his phone and grabbed my hand, I told her we were going home, "Is daddy coming too?" "No baby daddy has to finish the tour" "But I want to stay with daddy" Daisy started to cry now, "Daisy stop please, we are going home" I snapped her face shocked at my tone
I got someone to get our bags and we went down to wait for the car I had arranged to take us to the airport, "Are we not saying bye to daddy" Daisy asked, "No baby he's busy" Daisy started to cry, "Daisy stop please" I asked, the car pulled up, the driver put my bags in the boot, I heard Harry shouting me" Lily" he shouted as ran across the foyer, "Daddy" Daisy shouted, she grabbed his leg as he stoked her head, harry out of breath through running, "What you doing?" He asked me, "I'm going back to London" "No, why? We need to talk" "Harry I'm going I need go home, I need to think I can't do it here! Daisy get in the car please" I said, "No you can't just leave" he snapped, "I'm sorry I have to go" Harry eyes filling with tears as Daisy got into the car, I walked up to him, "I have to do this Harry, I love you so much but please just understand" I reached up and kissed him, "Please Lily, don't go" he whispered, i just turned and opened the car door, "I'm sorry" Harry stood staring as I shut the car door, Daisy crying for him didn't help, but I had to go, if I stayed here I knew I would have a drink, I needed to clear my head
