Lou had gone out now, I could feel my hands shaking as I knew I needed a drink, I scrambled round looking for my bag, I looked through my bag and found my bottle it was empty, I ran upstairs and got dressed and grabbed my bag and ran down the street to the nearest shop
I asked for 2 large bottles of vodka, I gave the man behind the counter my card, I stood waiting to type in my PIN number, "I'm sorry miss but your card has been declined, "Oh ok, try this one" I passed him my credit card, again this card was declined, I looked in my purse I had £20, "I'll just take one bottle" the man behind the counter raised his eyebrows, I paid for vodka and went back to Lou's realising I had locked myself out
I pulled my phone out of my bag and my phone was dead, I didn't know what to do now, so I started to walk, I came to a small park area and sat down, I sat staring at the bottle, my hands still shaking, I grabbed it and unscrewed the top and drank it from the bottle, the vodka burning my throat
I saw people staring at me as they walked past, I didn't care, I had lost everything, it was getting dark now, I needed to see my daughter, I walked and walked or should I say stumbled till I got to Harry's house, the house lit up, I pulled my key fob out of bag and opened the gate, I stood infront of the door not knowing what I was doing, but I needed to see Daisy
I banged on the front door, I saw a shadow walking towards the door, Harry opened the door, "I want to see Daisy" I slurred, he just looked at me in disgust, he looked behind then walked out to me shutting the door, "If you think I'm letting you see Daisy in this state, you must have lost your fucking mind, sober up and then come back" Harry said quietly, "Don't you fucking tell me I can't see my daughter, who the fuck are you anyway?" I shouted at him, Harry shook his head, I started to shout Daisy, Harry pushed me back and I fell on the floor, "Do you really want her to see you like this? What is wrong with you?" I started to cry, "I just want to see my baby" I sat rocking on the floor, Harry knelt down infront of me, "Wait here" he said angrily, a few minutes later he came back out and picked me up off the floor carrying me inside, I could see blood on my hands where I had cut them when I fell back on the floor, I felt Harry's warmth, the smell of him, I nuzzled into his neck, he lay me down on the sofa, "Stay there and don't move" I nodded
I lay glued to the spot, Harry eventually came back, "Daisy is asleep now" I'll clean you up and get you a cab, "please just let me stay so I can see Daisy in the morning?" He was sat cleaning my hands up now, he didn't answer me, he left the room and came back with a big pot of coffee, "Drink this" he told me, he sat on the chair infront of me, I studied him, he had shorts on his legs so long and muscular, how could I hurt him, I could see the hurt in his eyes, "Lily why are doing this? Why are you drinking?" He asked, I dropped my head down, "I don't know, I was getting stressed, I don't know, my life with you was so good, maybe it's cos I couldn't believe what I had, I just don't know, I never meant to hurt you" I replied, "Let me help you then" he asked, "I can sort his Harry, I know I can" I took a drink of the coffee which tasted like tar, "Don't shut me out anymore, we might have a chance if you let me help you" his face softened, "After everything I've done you want to help me? Why would you do that?" "Cos I love you and I want to help you" Harry said, I started to cry again, he came over to me and knelt down in front of me, "Let me help you please?" He pulled me to him his arms wrapped round me so tight
I closed my eyes and took in his warmth, I felt his body shaking, I knew in my mind I had to do this for him and Daisy as well as myself, I woke up the next morning in our bed, I turned to see Harry asleep next to me, I wanted to reach out and touch him, his face so peaceful, I lay engrossed in his features, the urge to touch him became to much, I traced my finger over his cheek, his eyes fluttered open, he just lay looking at me, I wanted to kiss him more than anything, we just lay looking at each other for ages, his hand now stroking my hair, I moved over to him, he didn't move he pulled me in close, "You have hurt me so much Lily" Harry said, "I know I have but please forgive me, I want to get better" my hand moved under the covers to feel him, he flinched as I touched his groin, "I can't Lily" he jumped out of bed, "I'm sorry" I said my eyes filling with tears, he pulled his shorts on, "I want to, I really do but I can't, it's going to take time" Harry told me
I heard Daisy talking to Harry outside the bedroom door, I jumped up and pulled on my robe and ran out to her, "Mummy" she flung her arms round me, Harry stood smiling as I picked her up, my hands shaking now, I saw Harry's face turn to concern, "Daisy come to me and let mummy go back to bed" Daisy put her arms out to Harry, "I'll take her downstairs, I'll be back" I nodded, I lay on the bed shaking, I needed a drink desperately but I would beat this shit for Harry, for my baby girl
