irl

Chapter 16

That night the two listened to George's radio show. While Phil was rapt with attention, Dan barely listened, the sounds of the radio show muffled by his own thoughts.

I know it. He doesn't like me like that, why would he? It was stupid to think he ever would. We're just friends, that's all. Real good pals. Why does my heart have to feel emotions? Why can't I just stop it when I like? When will it stop? Will it ever stop? If he's so interested in this George guy I'm just hurting myself more by having this... crush on him. Do I admit I have a crush on my best and only friend? Maybe. If he ever found-

"Dan? Are you okay?" Phil's voice and concerned blue-green eyes snapped Dan out of his head.
"What? Yeah?" He blurted, not paying attention.
"I said, are you okay? You kinda zoned out for a bit," Phil said, his eyebrows furrowed.
"I'm just tired, is all," Dan lied, probably one of the most common lies told. Luckily for Dan, Phil bought it and continued to listen to George, smiling a little to himself.

"Do you like George?" Dan blurted, immediately regretting it.
"I dunno, I only met him today, but he's kinda cool," he shrugged, Dan noticed a bit more color on Phil's pale face.

He's interested.

Dan nodded.
"Well, I'm gonna go to bed, or at least float around the Internet for the next hour or so," he said, getting up and running a hand through his hair.
"Okay, see you in the morning," Phil looked up for a second, smiling at Dan in a way that made him melt.

Stop. No.

~•~

Dan woke up, his alarm blaring in his ears. He slapped his phone so that it turned off, the irritating noise coming to a halt. He groggily got up, running the sleep from his eyes.
"PHILLIP LESTER!" He shouted, earning a response.
"YES SIR?"
"ARE YOU AWAKE?"
"I'VE BEEN AWAKE FOR A FEW MINUTES! I'M IN THE LIVING ROOM!"
"OKAAAAAY!" Dan basically screamed, letting his voice crack comedically. He eventually made his way to the couch and sat beside Phil, who was holding two mugs of coffee. He handed one to Dan,
"Good morning sleepy head," he joked.
"How'd you sleep?"
"Fine, I guess. I had a dream about a rabid badger attacking you, but then I tried to save you... which resulted in the badger using its laser eyes to cut one of my fingers off. You then got a mallet and pounded the badger into a bloody pulp."
"Graphic," Dan chuckled. Phil's mind was a magically random place, and it producing a dream such as that was not a surprise to either of them.  "When will you be home tonight?" Dan inquired, checking his phone for texts. Of course, he had none.
"Well actually, I'm meeting up with George after work to get a drink. I probably won't be home until around nine or ten. You're on your own for dinner, bud," Phil nudged Dan, smiling.

Buddy friend chum pal friend buddy pal mate

"Oh, what ever will I do with out you!" Dan sighed dramatically, suppressing his thoughts... or at least trying to.

We're just friends. It's all we'll ever be.

"I don't know, Dan! You may have to be... gasp! Social!" Phil mocked distress, falling back on the sofa, laughing. "Anyways, I do have to go. I was just waiting for you to wake up. See you later, Danny boy." He got up, messed up Dan's hair and was out the door in moments, leaving Dan alone.

"Bye," he said, filling the empty silence with his own voice. "Friend. Buddy. Pal. That's all it'll ever be, isn't it? But would I want more, would I jeopardize our friendship for something more? If given the chance, yes, probably... but only because I don't want anyone to take you. I am too dependent on you," he admitted to the hollow silence. Nothing was said back to him, so he continued speaking to himself, "Who am I to keep you from your happiness, though? I can't keep you from being intrigued by George. That's not your fault that you don't like me, it's just your heart. I can't be angry at you or at George. It's not like he knows. It's not like you know. And now... I can't let you know because then you'll sacrifice your own happiness for my dumb feelings. If I were to tell you, I know you wouldn't see George, you would limit yourself for my sake, even if it hurt. Who am I to do that to you? The world doesn't revolve around me, so I'll just suffer in silence for now."

Quiet.

"I can almost see it. You're gonna start hanging out with this guy more and you'll get reeled in, and start dating. It's as simple as just that. I'll be off to the side, hiding my sorrow and brandishing a fake smile instead. I'll be happy for you, because you'll be happy. Even though I may not be, you will, and I suppose that's enough for now."

No response.

"And if things with George don't turn out as I see it, if he's not gay or just not interested in you... well, that doesn't mean I'll still have a chance. Sooner or later you'll find someone else, and you'll fall again. I'll watch from behind my mask again."

Still, nothing.

"It's times like these I wish I had someone, anyone. But you're my everyone. Even my family has left me, and you're the only one left. So what now? You don't make friends just like that," he snapped, the sound filling the air. "So maybe I'll just fade. You'll be happy as I just disappear."

Despite the emotion and passion in his words, Dan did not cry. He wanted to, he felt as if he needed to, but he did not. Why? I don't know. He doesn't know. He just didn't, and maybe that's okay. It's not like he was keeping it in, he just felt like he was supposed to be crying at that moment but he did not. Maybe it was because he felt as if Phil was there. We wouldn't cry in front of Phil, especially because Phil was the reason he was so emotional at that moment.

He shook off this mentality and opened his laptop, clicking until he was ready and when a customer called,
"Hello, welcome to the Amazon helpline, how may I assist you?"

I felt like also posting this chapter, because I'm kinda proud of it and I'm gonna make you readers suffer even more. Yay angst. There'll be a lot of that coming up.

Sorry not sorry