irl

Chapter 25

Dan left the resturant immediately, texting Phil that he wanted to leave him and George alone to their devices.

He got into his car, slamming the door shut and speeding back to the flat at sonic speed. He didn't care how many red lights he ran, he didn't care about virtually anything at that moment.

Once he got into his home and ran straight to his room and threw himself into his bed, face-down. He spoke aloud his feelings to himself once again.

"I thought it would get better if he started dating. It would convince my heart that he's untouchable, but it made the pain fucking worse!" He yelled in frustration. "I felt like dying the moment I saw the two kissing. It drove a spear through my fucking weak heart. Why'd it get worse!" He slammed his fists down into the plush fabric of his bed sheets and the mattress. "Can I not be happy for two fucking seconds!" He ran a hand through his hair while taking a deep breath, knowing that he needed to chill out.

Something that scared him was what his instinct was to do when he saw them kissing.

My first thought was to go over and shove the two apart. What's wrong with me? What's with this jealousy! I've never acted like this, it's not me, yet I felt the overwhelming urge to just break them apart, despite the fact that I was the one who encouraged Phil to talk to George. I'm finding myself unable to be happy for Phil being happy, I'm too fucking selfish for that. I can't feel feelings like Louise wants me to, to get through this I have to suppress this shit. Keep it down until I've doused the feelings entirely. Just keep his hidden under my fake emotions. My fake everything. My fake happiness. Can I not be genuinely happy? I'm fucking terrified of myself! What if I do something that I regret?!

~•~

Phil had gotten a ride home from George, and returned to find Dan asleep face-down on his bed. He hadn't changed his clothes, or even turned off the light. In fact, while swimming in his thoughts he fell asleep. Phil flipped the switch to turn off the lights, gently closing the door to Dan's room.

He plopped on his bed feeling like he was floating on air. His new relationship fresh in his mind, his new boyfriend taking up his waking, and sleeping, thoughts. He just couldn't believe that what had happened actually happened. It was all due to Dan, who had gotten Phil to become confident, if even for just a moment.

He did find it odd, though, that Dan so abruptly left the restaurant, it left him a little worried. He figured that he had seen George and himself kissing and just wanted to leave them alone. Phil couldn't help but catch the expression on Dan's face as he rushed out the door.

Hurt? Why would he be hurt?

Phil fell asleep, his thoughts no longer lingering on Dan.

~•~

"I don't fucking know what to do," Dan sighed. Louise's voice responded through the phone.
"I don't know what to tell you, Dan. Want to get ice cream tonight? After your work?" Dan smiled a little.
"You still know how to make me feel better."
"See you tonight, I'll pick you up at your place."

Dan hung up, taking a deep breath. He figured that he should get back to work and accepted another call. His mind swam with thoughts of Phil and his own heartache, so much that he was almost unable to focus on his work, which he had come to despise anyway. At first he was just fine with his job, but he found it increasingly annoying and painstakingly boring. He didn't want to be unemployed, though, but he also had no interest in doing something in the real world. He googled some other online job options. Things such as ad-watching or survey-taking showed up, but he thought it sounded too easy and would be boring, too. Something about being a youtuber was suggested, but he would never have to confidence to even try to record a YouTube video.

He researched more, looking into jobs out of the internet. Pizza-delivering sounded decent, but Phil had the car for the day.

Movie projectionist? I just get to watch movies all day in the projection booth? Decent pay, too. I'm up for that. I don't even need to speak to anyone.

Dan felt accomplished in finding something that he was willing to do, that required actually leaving his home. Though he didn't know if a movie theater nearby needed someone to fill in such a position.

He then realized that he was stalling doing his current job, at that time.
"Procrastination was always a strong suit of mine," he said aloud, laughing at himself. Of course, it was a sad (but very true) fact about himself.

Dan sat in his silence once more.

This chapter sucked but I needed something in between the last and next chapter. The plot can't move that quickly ;)

You guys have NO idea how much I'm tempted to just post the book all in one moment, but I can't do that. I'm just too excited for you guys to read the ending ;-;