My Beautiful Heartbreak

Eleven

No

Dinala ako ng mga paa ko sa dalampasigan. Small waves hit my feet causing them to get wet and sands to stick. Fresh air calmed my senses. The sun hasn't fully rise yet the blue skies give light to the dark.

Habang naglalakad-lakad ako sa dalampasigan busy rin ang utak ko sa pag-iisip kung nasaan ang mga anak ko. Did they sleep well or are they even well? To where did he brought them? To their mansion? I doubt it but maybe. Ano ba ang motibo or plano niya para gawin ito? To keep us from interfering his political career? Pero wala naman akong plano na sirain siya not even my plan to come back here in the first place.

Kung hinayaan na lang niya sana kami na makaalis edi sana wala na siyang problema. Walang may nakakaalam sa nakaraan ko o sa kaugnayan ko sa kanya noon maliban kay Matt so why make a scene. Ano ba talaga ang gusto niya? Meet and greet sa mga anak ko? If thats the case shouldn't be much better if he just walk away as if he doesnt know? Para walang hassle, no obligation to talk about, no nothing at all?

Isang tikhim ang nagpapitlag sa akin. There behind me stand the man I left behind a long time ago, para sa katahimikan. And now his here breaking the solemn peace I created.
How ironic, I've spent years of mending my brokenheart and yet it took him seconds to make it resurface. Like a fastfoward flashback. Like a big wave that hits me in the face. A slap so hard that pained me bigtime.

But I know in the end he's just gonna turn his back on us like there's nothing happened. Nothing happened.

Hindi ko siya pinansin as if I didnt notice him. Mainit na bagay ang lumapat sa aking balikat. I could feel his presence behind me. Napakislot ako at itinabig ang kamay niya sa balikat ko. Something almost fell in the water but his fast reflex caught it as if he knows that it would happen.

"Take this, malamig pa dito sa labas you might get sick" concern is lace on his voice. Isang asul na roba ang inaabot niya sa akin.

"Keep that I dont need it" I know he could hear the venom in my words even though I deliver it in a most calm way out of respect to the old woman behind him because he cringed.

"Please" his pleading now huh?. Where is his arrogance? I smirked and walk past him. I could longer see the path that is leading to the main entrance of the place. Bago pa ako makalayo two big men block my way. No humor in their faces but seriousness. Now, I get it his using his authority on me. Alam ko nagtapang-tapangan lang ako but deep inside I felt hopeless pero ayokong makita niya ito. I want him to see that I've change. That I am strong independent woman now. And that no man, men nor anyone can boss me around.

Lumingon ako sa kanya ng may galit sa mga mata. I keep my stance firm as if ready to take a brawl. But I know as a woman who was once weaken by love there is a part of me wanted to give him a chance. A chance to have a proper talk, hear each sides but my instinct was triggered to protect my loved ones. My children.

"Let me go!" In my gritted teeth I spoke.

"No" his face calm but his words stands with authority.

"What do you want?"

Bumuga siya ng hangin bago sumagot. Puno ng pagkalito ang mga mata niya na wari hindi alam kung ano ang dapat unang sabihin. Tumingin siya sa langit at nagkunot ng noo as if looking at something only it was just inside of his mind.

"Gusto kong humingi ng tawad and make everthing right again" sa makumbabang tinig. Huh!
Ain't that too late? And for God sake, how would he make it right again? Accepting my children? Giving him his name? That won't happen.

"You want me to forgive you?" With an amazed tone and a mock laugh I asked him.

"Okay then, I forgive you. Now let me go and bring my kids here now" my words sound sarcastic but can you blame me. Hindi madali ang pagpatawad pero ang sabihin ito.

"No its not enough. You stay with me. No you are all going to stay with me" hinablot niya ang aking kamay at pilit dinadala sa loob ng bahay. Nagpupumiglas ako but his hand is big and strong. Anong laban ko?

"Hija, mag-usap na lang muna kayo ng alaga ko ng mahinahon sa loob." Ani ng matanda. Gusto ko siyang barahin ng salita but when I looked at her nakita ko ang maamo niyang mukha. Nawalan ako ng lakas dahil naalala kong hindi ako ganito. I'm strong, independent but not like this.

Sa mesa kami humantong. Breakfast is served but I'm not hungry. Seb I mean Renz is starting to eat but when he saw my empty plate ay nagbuntong hininga siya at mahinahon na kumuha ng pagkain at inilagay sa aking pinggan. I glared at him pero hindi niya ito pinansin. Halos punuin na niya ito ng pagkain. Umawang ang bibig ko sa dami ng kanyang inilagay.

"I'm not a pig! Paano ko iyan uubusin?"singhal ko sa kanya. He looked at me with protruding eyes while chewing.

"Yes, you are not a pig I can see that. Infact you are a very beautiful woman with a skinny body. Thats why you have to eat more para magkalaman ka at hindi mo maakit ang mga kalalakihan".

I could feel my face heat up when he said that. Kahit hindi ko gusto ang kanyang sinabi ay naramdaman ko ang pagbilis ng tibok ng aking puso. I tried to ignore it and just focus on my food. Ayokong isipin na hes flirting with me, maybe he just said it to insult me for being too skinny or he was just being honest alin man doon ay dapat wala akong pakialam. I shouldn't be affected by his flattery or whatsoever.

Wala pa siyang tanong sa akin tungkol sa mga bata but he already concluded that they are his. I could deny it if I want to and just create stories but it doesnt seems right. Gusto kong sabihin sa kanya na oo they are his but at the same time ayoko. I know in my heart that my children wanted to know him, be with him, especially Heaven but Im scared at the thought that maybe they'll gonna leave me for him.

I dont know if this is the right time for my children to be partly happy. In knowing him, accepting him. I dont know. Gusto kong maging selfish pero ang kaalaman na may mga batang naghahangad ng kasagutan sa lahat ng nangyari sa amin ang siyang nagbibigay sa akin ng malaking bikig sa puso.

Dapat ko bang pigilan ang nalalapit nilang paglalapit? In giving them the rights to claim him? But I doubt if my other children will welcome him with arms wide open. My boys hated him and I know it is bad, feeling happy about it. But what can I do? When they were young  I feed them the thruth. They grow up feeling my pain and accepted our defeat.

For almost thirteen years we tasted the bitterness of life and the sweetness of it, together. They still feel inlove with the world I gave them even its incomplete.