Fight for Love (Attack on Titan/SnK fan fiction)

Fight for Love: Chapter 12

The nightmares kept assaulting me one after another. It doesn't matter how much I screamed for it stop or how much I desperately willed myself to wake up. They didn't stop. I saw Erwin die, repeatedly, I watched as every single person I cared for was ripped apart and eaten. It didn't matter how much I tried to fight the bonds that forced me to watch I couldn't do a damn thing to save them. And it was literally killing me.
A sob catches in my throat as I stare helplessly at the body of the man I loved. I can hear his dying screams ringing in my ears and all I can do is listen to them.
"Stop it!" I yell, my throat is scratchy from screaming so much and my face feels dry from my salty tears. I close my eyes and picture myself, peacefully sleeping. Imagining my eyes opening so I don't have to deal with these terrifying dreams anymore, I will my eyes to open. Just like that, I am staring up at a white ceiling. My chest is heaving with each breath I take, sweat is pouring down my brow and my throat has the familiar scratchy feeling of continuous screams. I raise my hand up and swipe at my sweaty brow; then I realize something. I expected to be in MY bed, in MY room. Yet I don't feel the familiar mattress underneath me, instead, a pair of arms are wrapped around my body. His arms are strong and comforting as he cradles me against his strong chest with reassuring words being whispered from his lips. I'm relieved to see he is fine yet with our bodies being so close I can't help but feel slightly uncomfortable.
"E-Erwin?" My voice sounds scratchy and hoarse like it hasn't been used in years.
Erwin's kind blue eyes shining with concern lock onto mine. He offers me a relieved smile,"I see you are awake."
My eyes roam his as I desperately try to calm my heartbeat; my body is shaking like a leaf from the nightmares and I can still hear his dying screams. They are ringing high and true in my ears causing me to whimper and close my eyes, throwing up wall after wall in futile attempts to block out those sounds. Erwin reaches up and places his hand on my cheek, brushing the pad of his thumb against my cheekbone. Just that small gesture calms down my racing heart and puts my mind at ease.
"Are you okay?" His voice is laced with concern.
I look up at him through half lidded eyes,"No, I'm far from okay."
He sighs and closes his eyes, not another word leaves his lips as he gently rubs reassuring circles into my back and runs his thumb over my cheekbone. Slowly the gnawing fear that was eating at my conscious mind subsides, and my body stops quivering.
"I'm sorry, Erwin." I whisper, regret lacing my words.
Erwin's hand stills before continuing to rub into my back,"For what?" His voice is hushed.
I look up into his caring blue eyes,"For everything," I sigh,"I have caused so much trouble in the time of me being here and... I'm really sorry."
His arms tighten against my body,"Don't be, it's not your fault." His eyes roam mine,"You have been having nightmares, am I correct?"
Wordlessly I nod my head, he continues,"Because of these nightmares you have been getting lack of sleep and even your brain has been causing hallucinations that have been interfering with you daily life."
A gasp of shock escapes my lips; I didn't know that he has looked so far into the situation. Of course, I shouldn't be surprised, he is a very smart man with a very sharp intuition that could halt even the king. With his sharp intuition, he has more than proved himself as the rightful Commander and one of the most trustworthy men within the military ranks. Even though he has sent men to their deaths and his hands hold enough blood to paint the capital red, he is still respected by many; for these men followed their Commander into battle wholeheartedly. These men were one hundred percent ready to die for the sake of humanity and for Erwin, sometimes I think Erwin has for gotten that small detail. The fact that when a soldier salutes him it isn't the soldier saying 'I offer my heart to the sake of humanity' it's the soldier saying 'I offer my heart to YOU'. And he seems to forget that small detail.
Uncomfortably, he shifts us around so we are laying side by side; one of his arms remain around my waist and his thumb trails patterns against my skin. I stare into his eyes my body slowly relaxing against the covers and completely giving in to his comforting touch.
"I think that I now deserve to know what happened." It's not a question, more like a demand to tell him what happened.
Closing my eyes I answer,"I-I don't know..."
He squeezes my hip,"There is no reason to NOT tell me."
"It's just.." I stop and take a deep breath.
"You are scared aren't you?"
I don't answer,"There is no reason to be scared I am here." He squeezes my hip again,"Tell me what's going on."
With a deep shaky breath I tell him. I tell him everything from the frightening nightmare to punching the wall. I explain that I thought nothing of the nightmare at first, but when it showed up again and I begin to actually see my dead father, I knew it was something that affected me more than I thought possible. I tell him how I passed out and even the dreams I had while passed out. The entire time I keep my eyes closed not wanting to see his face while I tell him.
"It's pathetic isn't it?" I finish with a humorless laugh,"Letting these dreams affect me like that, I would understand if you laughed."
The room remains silent for a couple minutes after I'm done. The atmosphere is uncomfortable and tense making me fidget underneath the weight of it.
"Sakura." He breaks the silence, his voice demanding yet soft and comforting,"Look at me."
I'm reluctant, not wanting to see the humor shining in those beautiful eyes of his. The eyes that have comforted me so many times in the past. He removes his hand from my waist and places it on my cheek swiping away at tears I didn't even know was there.
"Sakura, please." He's begging me. For the first time in a very long time I heard desperation in his voice. Maybe it was just my fucked up brain screwing with me again? No, it couldn't have. It just sounded to real for it to be made up.
Slowly I open my eyes and look into his concerned filled eyes. There is no humors in them, no, just concern. I was all worried for nothing, of course he wouldn't laugh! Gods, I'm stupid.
His eyes soften,"Don't look so sad. I can't stand that look on your face."
I open my mouth yet, words fail me; for the first time in my life I am speechless, words failing me and falling useless from my trembling lips. He places a finger against my lips stopping my useless attempts.
"There is no need to speak. Just.." He seems at a lose his eyes have a far away and troubled look within them,"let me hold you. Okay?"
My heart surges with a feeling of nothing but satisfaction and something that can only be described as.. love. I have never imagined I would fall for this man, this wonderfully perfect man. Only now have I realized that I have loved him from the beginning, the way he smiled, laughed, slept, worked, everything seemed perfect to me. Only now does it make perfect sense. I have one hundred percent fallen for this man. Although I know for certain the odds of him feeling the same way are low and the odds of him dying are to high, especially with him being in the Survey Corps as long as he has. Yet it wouldn't hurt to marvel in this mans warmth for this one night, would it?
Erwin wraps his arms around me and pulls me carefully against his chest. His fingers run delicately through my hair and he rubs circles into my back. Not entirely sure what to do with my hands I slowly wrap them around his waist and snuggle closer against his chest feeling completely at ease.
"You will sleep here tonight. In case you have a nightmare, I want to be here to reassure you." His voice is hushed almost like he feels like he is treading on a minefield. Yet I will be sure not to explode, I don't want to ruin this moment.
I turn my head up toward him and raise an eyebrow,"Are you sure?"
He nods a single time his eyes running over my features carefully,"Entirely."
I rest my head on his chest listening to his heartbeat as a small smile stretches across my face. Even though he is probably only doing this because he feels at liberty to quench my fears, I can at least feel secured once before I have to admit my feelings are only one sided.

That night I slept soundly for the first time in three days.

-Erwin's POV-

Her hair is so soft against my fingers, I can't stop myself from continuously running them through it. My chin rests against the top of her head and my arms hold her securely to my chest, she feels perfect against my chest, her curves seem to perfectly match my angles and it feels like we are two puzzle pieces that have finally snapped together.
The warmth that radiates off of her is comfortable and alluring, drawing me in and keeping me completely transfixed, like a flickering fire would. Of course that is what Sakura is, a flickering flame that speaks of warmth yet is dangerous in its own way. She is a beautiful disaster that wrecks havoc and an alluring storm that speaks of peace. It doesn't matter what I do, I will forever be trapped and captivated by the seer beauty that she holds; no amount of logic or planning can get me out. And, yet, I don't want out. I want to be trapped within her flame for all of eternity, to be able to feel the warmth and witness the radiance.
I sigh, this is definitely a very confusing situation for me to be in. To feel this way and know she doesn't feel the same. To know my feelings will never be returned, and it is absolutely tearing me up on the inside. Even though our destiny reeks of death and the odds are against us in all sorts of ways, I want nothing more than to know if she feels the same or not. No amount of planning or book smarts or logic will earn me that one thing. The one thing I want more than anything else is so far out of reach and so transparent I can't help but feel completely LOST. For the first time in my life I honestly don't know what to do. I can tell you one thing, the only thing that I know for sure.

I will always fight and protect MY flickering flame. No matter the costs.