Fight for Love (Attack on Titan/SnK fan fiction)

Fight for Love: Chapter 13

-Flashback-

The library is silent, the kind of silence that won't be disturbed this early in the morning. I walk through the empty aisles, running my fingers lightly over the leather spines and, occasionally, pulling one free to add to my small pile. My fingers dance over a barely noticeable gap in between two fairly large books, halting I gently slide my fingers in the gap and run them over a smooth spine. My fingers tighten around the spine and carefully I pull out a skinny book. The cover of the book is covered in a thin layer of dust that I blow away to be able to read the name of the book. 'Spanish for dummies' the cover reads, I furrow my brow in confusion, what is this 'Spanish?' I thumb through the book my eyes skimming over each page, my eyes widen when I realize Spanish must be an died out language that has been long forgotten. My heart thumps with curiosity, a smile slowly pulling across my face, I could learn a died out language from the very pages of this book. Snapping the book shut I hurriedly walk to the front of the room where my small pile rests on a table. I add the book to the bottom of my stack so no one else will be able to see it and accuse me of taboo. My fingers stray against the soft spine when I realize Armin would love to get his hands on this book to be able to read it and learn this language. I shake my head and pull the stack into my arms, quickly I leave the library and make my way to my room before anybody else can notice the poorly hidden book.
I place the stack of books on the corner of my bed, with a sigh I gently tug the Spanish book into my lap and open it up to the first page. My eyes soak each word in, storing them in my brain for future use. A knock sounds from my door interrupting my concentration; I sigh and slide the Spanish book underneath my covers before walking over to my door and pulling it open.
"H-Hanji?!" I breath my eyes widening once I lay eyes on the grinning red head.
She laughs,"Good to see you Sakura!"
I smile at her,"You too Hanji! Although training doesn't start for another hour..." I peer at my clock curiously.
"Well, I'm supposed to be training you in horse back riding and I can't exactly do that when you don't have a horse!"
My heart falls when my mind flashes to Kurodayu on impulse,"Yeah I guess you're right."
She smiles madly and snatches my wrist into her hand,"Come with me, Sakura! I will get you a horse!"
She yanks me out of my room before I even have a chance to protest the maddened Squad Leader. I barely even have time to pull my door shut before she is yanking me down the hallway and toward the stables.
"Here we are!" Hanji cries out in a sing song voice once we stop in front of the stables.
"Why don't you look in that stable first?" She points to a stable at the end of the line. Sighing I walk in that direction and peer into the stable at the pitch black horse. My heart soars once we lock eyes,"Kurodayu!?" I breath in complete shock.
Hanji chuckles as she walks up next to me,"I brought him with me when I returned from Sina." She stuffs her hands into her pockets,"Erwin asked me to bring him specifically."
My heart pounds loudly in my ears, to the point that I can barely register her words. Once I do my eyes lock onto Erwin's office window, knowing he is in there doing his paperwork tirelessly. Hanji gently pushes me closer to the horse, I gingerly reach forward and brush my fingers against his nose.
"Well," Hanji says with a clap of her hands ,"Shall we get started?"
Even though I know training doesn't start for another hour I cant stop myself from agreeing with her. I want nothing more than to ride Kurodayu for the next four hours.

-Present day-

Everybody is off, every single Survey Corp solider has nothing to do today. Tomorrow is the day, the day that determines whether I see the next or not; tomorrow is the expedition. With me being the only new recruit in the Survey Corp's branch the odds are against me; no matter what I do to try and convince Alex and my squad that I will survive tomorrow, they still can't look me in the eye. Erwin is no help either, having locked himself up in his office for the past week and a half. When I got up this morning the atmosphere around the HQ isn't its usual cheerful self, the atmosphere was suffocating me having changed overnight from cheerful to depressing, so I left. I saddled up Kurodayu and galloped off into the woods where I came across a small clearing and I have been here since this morning.
I sigh and lean against the tree my eyes staring at the blue sky above me, a gentle breeze brushes across my skin, sending shivers down my spine and a smile across my face. Even though my squad can't look me in the eye, even though they can't trust in me and my abilities as a soldier, I will survive tomorrow at all costs. I close my eyes and slip down the bark until I am sitting on the soft grass my fingers run through my hair haphazardly. Tilting my head to the side I listen to the birds, tweeting away in the trees without a care in the world. Beneath the sound of tweeting birds is the sound of hooves hitting hard packed dirt. My eyes snap open and lock onto trail that leads into this clearing just as a brown horse gallops into it. A soldier slides off the back of the horse and locks eyes with me, hesitantly, I stand up and place a hand on the maneuvering gear at my hips. The soldier reaches up and tosses off her hood allowing her shoulder length red hair to fall loose.
"Ah, Petra!" I say with a smile.
Her eyes dance away from mine pain evident on her face,"So this is where you have been.."
"Have you been looking for me?" I chuckle lightly,"Sorry I just couldn't hang around the HQ any longer so I came out here."
She nods her head in understanding yet makes no move to look me in the eye, her eyes stray on Kurodayu who is grazing on the far side of the clearing,"Um...well... I came to tell you Commander Erwin wants to see you."
I raise an eyebrow,"Does he now?" I mutter with a small smile that I quickly hide,"Alright then, go on back and tell him I will grant him my presence."
Her eyes snap to mine then dance away again,"Um...okay.." She nods and hops up on her horse turning it toward the trail then digging her heels into its haunches. I watch her go until I can't see her any more and even then I continue to stand there my eyes staring off into nothing. Erwin calls on me now? The day before the expedition of all days? I sigh and shake my head before making my way to my horse.
The HQ is silent for once, not a sound is made outside the now cold halls or inside them. Soldiers have locked themselves up in their respective rooms, grieving over a death that might happen. I tighten my hood around my head and quicken my pace to Erwin's office desperate to get out of these suffocating halls. Finally I am standing in front of his office door my knuckles knocking against the wood.
"Come in." The muffled reply sounds through the door.
I reach up and pull off my hood before stepping into his paper strewn office. I raise an eyebrow at the state of his office-which is usually neat. Erwin stands next to the window his hair is sticking up in places and, by the tension in his shoulders, he is trying not to slump against the frame for support.
"Erwin?" I ask, shuffling though the piles of paper until I am standing in front of his oaken desk.
His eyes slowly draw to mine, once his eyes lock onto mine I watch pain flash across his features and he looks away,"Sakura." He acknowledges my presence.
"Not you too." I growl under my breath anger roaring up in my chest, I cross my arms over my chest and look away from him.
"What do you mean?" He asks, I can feel his eyes on the side of my face.
"Nobody can look me in the eye! Yeah, I'm the new recruit and the odds of me surviving are slim. But they could at least attempt to believe in me." Out of the corner of my eye I see pain flash across his features again. I jerk my head in his direction and we lock eyes,"I mean, everybody here use to be a new recruit like I am, they survived their first expedition, so why am I any different?"
Erwin looks away,"You're not any different. Everybody was looked at the same exact way that you are being looked at now."
"Well, I know that! Couldn't they believe in me? Even the tiniest bit?"
He continues to gaze out the window,"They could, yet, you are the new recruit they expect you to cower underneath a titans gaze." He exhales a breath,"To get eaten."
A dry humorless laugh escapes my lips,"Look at you! You're no different! You won't even look me in the eye and you have witnessed what I can do." His eyes turn to mine surprise shining in them,"You saw me kill those titans when Shignashina fell. Yet you still doubt me?"
He exhales sharply"That isn't what I called you here to talk about." He says and removes himself from the window to stand behind his desk.
"I hope that Levi's squad has taught you about the flares and the formation?"
I grit my teeth and nod my head. He pulls open a drawer in his desk and shuffles around in it for a couple seconds before pulling out the different flares.
"Red is for a Titan has been sighted." He sets a red flare on his desk.
"Black is for an abberanant has been sighted." He sets a black flare on the desk.
"Green is for the direction we will be traveling in." He sets a green flare on the desk.
"Then there's purple." He places a purple flare on the desk.
I furrow my brow in confusion,"No one taught me about the purple one."
He chuckles,"That's because no one knows about this purple flare, only me and you know about it."
"Then what's the purpose of it?" I look up at him.
"This flare is only for me and you to use." He picks up the purple flare and offers it to me,"There are only two of these flares in existence and you will only use it when your life is in danger."
I reach forward and pluck the flare out of outstretched hand,"What about the other flare?"
"I will have the other flare and when you fire that one." He pulls a second purple flare out of the drawer,"I will fire this one to let you know I am on my way."
I raise an eyebrow,"In other words this flare is going to be used to help me survive."
A small smile grazes his face,"You could say that."
I place the flare on his desk and turn away from him,"I appreciate your attempts to 'help' me survive, but I won't need the flare to survive. I will survive on my own."
I can feel his eyes burning into my back as I leave his office. By giving me that flare he is practically telling me that he doesn't believe in me at all; that he doesn't believe I can survive on my own. I grit my teeth and shove the doors to the HQ open stepping out into the sunlight. Even out here I can feel his eyes burning into my back.
"Alright Mother Fucker." I growl underneath my breath and yank the hood back onto my head,"If you want to keep watching me then watch as I walk away."
I jog over to the stables and hop up onto Kurodayu's back. Digging my heels into his haunches, together we gallop out of the stables and back into the woods.