All I've Ever Known

2. Missing You Like This

"We ruined each other by being together. We destroyed each other's dreams."

― Kate Chisman, Run

four years later

Of course that was 4 years ago today. I woke up this morning from a dream of being in Taylor's arms. Again. His strong, soft, tan arms. How I missed those arms. My pillow was soon soaked in tears from remembering when his arms were wrapped around me. Now all I had wrapped around me were my sheets that were tangled from a restless night.

I wasn't able to drag myself out of my empty bed until 1:30 that afternoon. I made myself a cup tea and sat at my counter and gazed out the window. I watched two little boys fight over whose turn it was to ride a tricycle. A couple walked hand-and-hand down the sidewalk. An elderly lady sat on a bench and fed some over-fed squirrels. Life was going on outside my penthouse. But on the inside it was a different story. My home was so quiet. But it made sense. Considering I live by myself.

Alone.

I took a sip of my tea. My face crinkled in disgust when I realized how cold it had gotten. I looked down into my cup and smiled as I remembered how much he used to tease me whenever I drank tea. What I wouldn't give to hear his teasing again. Or his nickname for me. Taybae. Or even just his voice.

I absentmindedly gazed across the city as I remembered that night we spent with my parents and watched New Moon together. I could still see his face cringing every time he heard his voice. How he whispered into my hair that he liked kissing me better. How we snuggled up on the couch together, sneaking kisses, not even bothering to care that my parents were there. But that was all gone now.

I had to apologize. And this time, it should be to his face. A flat out I'm sorry. I knew that. But how could I apologize when all I wanted was him? But Taylor was in LA probably partying with his friends and I'm in Nashville, alone, kicking myself for breaking up with him. It's been 4 years for God's sake! Is this how I'm supposed to feel after I broke up with HIM? I don't think so.

I sighed and walked into my living room and slumped onto the couch. All of a sudden, I heard my phone ring from somewhere in my apartment. I debated on ignoring it, but decided against it. It couldn't hurt talking to someone. I jumped off the couch and followed the ringing. I found it on my nightstand. Without even looking at who it was, I answered it.

"Hello?" I said.

I nearly fell over when I heard Taylor's voice on the other end.