All I've Ever Known

14. I Won't Give Up On Us

"Being hurt by someone you love doesn't mean you have to stop loving, its one way for you to learn not to give up and keep loving."
―Unknown

It's been a rough couple of months for Taylor. The physical therapy she is supposed to do is rigorous. Add that to the stress of planning out our wedding and you're looking at disaster.

But she's handling it pretty well. At least I think so.

One night, while I was laying with her in bed, she told me she had to get back to Nashville. She had a whole career that had been put on hold. Then I made the first mistake of asking her when she was going to sell her house in Nashville and move in permanently with me. I think the stress of the day had really gotten to her because she snapped like a rubber band.

"Sell my house in Nashville?!!?" she screamed, "And move in with you?! You know I'm never going to sell my house in Nashville and who says we're living in your house here? I have a house here too you know!"

The second mistake I made was yelling back at her.

"You don't have to get so fucking defensive you know!" I yelled back.

"Well maybe I don't want to live here. Maybe I want to live in my house!" she hissed, "Ha! You know the hay day that the paparazzi and media would have if they saw me moving in with you? Being a slut is a hard thing to live up to. But I guess you wouldn't know!"

I clenched my jaw. "Taybae, look I-" she cut me off immediately.

She sat straight up in bed. "No! Don't try to do this to me. You don't understand that shit I have to put up with day after day after fucking day!" she roared at me, "The death threats, the slut shaming, the horrible names, the tabloids plastered with all of my secrets and horrible rumors, all of it! You can just walk around known as the heartthrob, but me, I'm just known as the boyfriend killing slut. So don't try to tell me you understand. Because you don't."

She got up out of bed, put on a sweatshirt and yoga pants and ran out the backdoor into the street. I jumped out and ran to catch up to her. But I didn't see where she went. I roamed the streets looking for her until 4am. I finally gave up purely on hope that she was back at the house and the fact that I hadn't seen a trace of her since she ran out.

When I got back to the house, she wasn't there. I called her phone, only to hear it ring from her purse in the living room. I sat down on the couch and put my head in my hands. Fuck it I really messed up this time. After all I've been through to get her home and with me I threw it all away over one little fight. I should've known not to get her so excited. She's had a tough year.

I took my phone out of my pocket and threw it at the wall. I hoped it hit the wall hard enough to break because it did me no good now.

I got off the couch and walked out the back door to sit on my porch. I stared out into the street hoping she'd come back. I cursed myself and my bad judgment and choice of words.

I looked down at my hands and thought back to what I'd said and how I could've said it differently. I suddenly had an idea to drive to Sara's house to see if she went there. Sara doesn't live too far away from me.

On the way there I saw a girl in blond curls and yoga pants. I wasn't taking any chances so I jumped out of my car and ran after her. I wasn't going to lose her this time. It was now 5 in the morning and was still dark out but I could see her well enough to catch up to her. I grabbed her arm and spun her around.

"Let go of me!" she hissed and her voice cracked like she'd been crying.

"No," I whispered as I tried to turn her to face me, "Taylor listen, I'm not letting you go. Not now. Not ever. You're the girl I want to spend my life with and I'm not throwing us away after all we've put into this. I can't live without you and I won't. This isn't a 'goodbye' this is a 'don't go'."

I had her face cupped in my hands. She was still crying and the expression of pain hadn't left her face. I took her left hand and rubbed the ring on her finger.

"A ring is a permanent thing Taylor," I whispered, "I'm not joking around. I'm sorry for all you have to go through, it's absolutely terrible and nobody, especially you, should have to go through it. But just know at the end of the day, I'm right here, waiting for you, loving you with every part of me because I'd never known what love really was until I met you. And you showed me. So Taylor, you should know that I am completely in love with you."

She finally sagged against me and sobbed in my shoulder. I rubbed her back and held her tight. After a few minutes, I realized we were still standing in the street. So I picked her up, bridal style, and carried her to my car and drove her home. Once we were inside, I leaned against the counter and held her to my chest. She cried for a long time before she finally said she was sorry. I told her it was my fault and to forget this whole thing.

Soon Taylor decided to go start packing for Nashville. It hurt me more than anything to watch her go after all this but I knew she had to do it. Hopefully, the media wouldn't twist it into something terrible.

On the drive to the airport, Taylor stayed pretty quiet. I kept telling myself it was just because she was tired. But there was another part of me that was thinking there was something going on.

I pulled into the parking lot and helped carry her bags. We walked in through a private door to meet her private jet. When we got to the small room to wait for her jet, I dropped her bags and pulled her into a hug.

She buried her head into my shoulder and I held her. Then she looked up to softly kiss me goodbye, but it turned into a massive make-out session instead. We stood there for a good 20 minutes just kissing goodbye before Taylor's publicist pulled us apart so Taylor wouldn't miss her flight. Or so she said. I don't know how you can miss your flight if it's your jet and you're the only one in it, but I didn't question.

I walked out into the runway with her and watched her jet fly away. I wiped my eyes with my sleeve as I thought damn this is gonna be hard to live without her here with me.

I drove home alone and fell asleep on the couch for the umpteenth time. I dreamed of Taylor, of course.

When I woke up late that afternoon, I called my agent to talk about some auditions that were coming up. After I talked to her for about an hour, I called my publicist to talk about the wedding and trying to bring the media coverage to a bare minimum. We argued over mostly everything so I ended up hanging up and calling the wedding planner.

We were planning to have to ceremony in a little church 30 miles south of Nashville. We had just finished sending out wedding invitations and were estimating that we would have around 250 guests. Which is plenty, I thought. I talked to the wedding planner a little longer before hanging up.

Taylor texted me saying she'd made it back to Nashville fine and was going to bed. I texted her back then looked at the clock and decided it wasn't a bad idea to go to bed myself.

It had been a long time since the last time I had slept in the big lonely bed by myself without Taylor and still doesn't get any easier.

A/N: OVER 700 READS THAnK YOU SO MUCH?!!??! This chapter went through hell and back huh? Ugh I'm sorry I haven't been updating a lot lately, I've just been super busy and in actually on vacation right now and OH! I'm writing a kaylor fanfic with my best friend Molly so you should go over to swiftsirwin and read puppetry bc I've been spending a looooot of time on it and it's just really good I like it. Oh and I'll be ending this soon because I hate really long fanfics like ugh no. Soooo I have a pretty good idea of how I want it to end but if you have any ideas comment and I'll see if I can work them in! Omg really long authors note sorry ily all!