All I've Ever Known

11. Pained But Not Broken

"If home is where the heart is, then I guess I'm homeless."

-Kimberly Perry

A/N: The next chapters will be from Taylor Lautner's POV and you will find out why soon!:):

 

The last week has been pretty much all a blur. Sometimes I wish things could've been done differently. Maybe if Taylor would've left earlier. Or later. Maybe then she'd be here in my arms. Instead, I'm sitting here on my couch. Alone. I think my mom has been over a lot lately. But I'm not quite sure. When I'm not at home I'm at the hospital. Spending time with Taylor. Talking to her. Holding her hand. Hoping. But I just know. 

I won't get a response. 

She's been in a coma for about a week now, and the doctors say that her chances of coming out of it are slim to none. 

So that's how my world has been lately. Of course everyone else's worlds have kept turning. I don't even know if mine will ever open her eyes again. 

I watched Taylor like I did every day until a nurse came in and told me out that I had to go home. I don't know why she says that. This is my home. I'm with Taylor. 

My mind was completely blank on the drive home and when I walked through the door and collapsed on the couch like every night, it was still blank. Around 2 in the morning, I had an idea. So I jumped up and ran to my kitchen. I pulled out one of the tea cups that Taylor insisted I keep in my kitchen for her and made a cup of tea. I sat at my counter looking at it for the longest time. It crossed my mind that I'd never actually tasted tea before except on Taylor's lips. I guess this qualified as the next best thing. So I took a sip. 

I flinched at the bitter taste, but over the course of an hour, I realized I drank the whole cup. I fell asleep at the counter and was woken up at 5:30 that morning by a call from Andrea, Taylor's mother. 

I sighed as I fumbled to get it out my jacket. I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I quickly brushed away. I knew what was coming, but I still couldn't accept it. Not now. Not yet. Maybe not ever. 

"Taylor? Taylor! Come down to the hospital quick! It's Taylor!" I heard her say. I couldn't decode the tone of her voice, other than that it was urgent. 

"Yes ok I'll be right there! Bye," I replied and hung up. 

I grabbed my jacket and went to the door. I saw my reflection in the glass and cringed. My shirt has wrinkled, my hair was wild and my face looked like I hadn't slept in days. Which was pretty much true. I frowned at the reflection. But decided I should do something about it. 

I dropped my jacket in the entry way and jogged to the bathroom to wash my face and fix my hair. Then I went to my bedroom and put on clean clothes. As I was walking out of my bedroom I noticed a pair of heels peeking out from behind the door. I ran my hand through my hair and bent down the look at them closer. I looked at them for a bit before I got back up and walked out of my house. 

I got in my car and drove to the hospital. I ran the entire way to Taylor's room. 

I burst through the door and mumbled something about there being a traffic jam and that was why it took my so long. Andrea nodded but it was the look on her face nearly knocked me over. I opened my mouth but she cut me off. 

"The doctor said that around 4:45 this morning Taylor was awake for a few minutes," she said excitedly. 

My jaw dropped and I hugged her with all my strength. 

"That's great!" I said, my voicing cracking. 

Andrea's smile faded some when she said, "But the doctor said not to get our hopes up, it could mean nothing."

I mulled over that information as I sat in a chair next to Taylor for the rest of the day. Her parents left around 3 in the afternoon so then I was all alone with Taylor. 

I watched her intently, hoping for something. I opened my mouth and began talking to her. I talked about how we first met and our first first date and our second first date and starring in Valentine's Day together and proposing to her and that I loved her with all my heart. Maybe, after what had happened early this morning, I expected a response. Or maybe I just wanted to remember our relationship out loud with her. 

Unfortunately, the regular nurse came and told me to leave. I told her to give me a minute and she hesitantly left to room. 

"I love you, Taylor," I whispered, "Please come home soon." Then I bent down and kissed her cheek. 

I watched her face, looking, hoping, praying for a response. Like I would get in a movie. But, I got nothing. I choked back tears and walked out of the room, out of the hospital, and took the longest way possible to my house. I didn't want to spend another lonely night there. It wasn't a home without Taylor. Just an empty house. 

After a couple hours of aimlessly driving around, I pulled into my garage and walked into my house. I left my jacket and keys by the door and walked upstairs to the guest bedroom. The same room that Taylor was supposed to be in that time. I laid back on the bed and fell asleep.

I slept until noon the next day. When I finally woke up I nearly flew out of the bed and down the stairs. I took a shower for the first time in probably 3 or 4 days. I quickly put on a pair of khaki shorts and a red V-neck t-shirt. I grabbed my phone and my keys, slipped on my black leather jacket and drove back to the hospital to spend another day with Taylor. 

I got to her room and sat down in my usual chair. The room was quiet, other than the machines keeping her alive. As I looked at her beautiful face I realized, I would give my own life just to see her smile again.