Kill me? (Mikey Way Fanfiction)

Chapter 18

Alright, let's get things straight here. I just don't want to be hurt anymore, is that too much to ask? No. But in the other side I still want her in my life, I don't care if we be just friends for the rest of our lifes. Have you ever be in this situation? Where you almost can hear your heart and brain yelled at each other about how dumb each other is. I sigh, I can't think about anything right now, my head just like spinning around in circle.

"Hey, Mikey" I heard someone at the doorway, no he's not Gerard. He's Frank.

"Hey Frank, how are you?" I said, get up from my bed and smile as big as I could.

"I'm good" He answered

"Yeah, me too" I said. We walked out from my room and sit face to face. He looked at me in the eye and said "No you're not good" right. He's right.

"Yeah, I guess. Everyone in the world can tell that i am not okay." He noded his head, just like know anything, everything.

"Well do you want to tell me or just look down and hide your face?"

To be honest, the floor and my feet are more interesting than talking to him and tell him about yesterday.

"I'm sorry" I quiletly said

"Why?" He asked

"If only I let you be with her, if only I didn't be so heroic while I know I can't be that heroic, if only I'm not that stupid. If only I was you, she would be here" I said, my voice creaked and I try so hard to not cry again and again

"Why you blame yourself, Mikey? There's no one to blame, even though I get so mad when she left because of you and know she was in dangerous. But you can't blame yourself for this. Maybe she really can't be with you because she's afraid would lose you or put you in dangerous. Maybe she don't want that thing happen to you, to both of you. At least you know she's fine, right?"

I noded my head, yes she's fine and she look brighter than before. But still I can't forget what I did, it's like I make her fly to the sky and I didn't give her a parachute.

"You can't blame yourself for the rest of your life. You should move on. Life moves on, without even wait for anybody. You will missed something good in your life if you keep doing this to yourself. Life is just like a book, and someone can be in our whole book or maybe just a chapter. You can re-reading that chapter but you can't re-write it, you can't stuck in it, you can't change it. That's how life works."

I noded my head once again

"But Frank, she wants to meet me......again. After a long time, after all my effort to motivate myself to get off of bed and go out from my room, after a long freaking sadness. She's back, she's back again. I don't know what to do"

He doesn't say anything for a while before open his mouth again "Go ahead" He said

"Excuse me?"

"Go ahead, meet her like she told you to"

"What? I can't"

"Why?"

"I'm afraid"

"What are you afraid of, Mikey? Don't you love her?"

"I-I don't"

"You don't?"

"I mean, I don't know."

"Ask yourself, Mikey. But if I were you, I'll meet her and talk to her even that's probably the last time we ever met or something. I just don't want to lose chance, I hate lose chance."

He's always right.