Kill me? (Mikey Way Fanfiction)

Chapter 11

"Wake up! Mikey Wake up! She left! She really really left!" I open my eyes and feel a massive headache "Really Frank, you don't need to yell. My head hurts so bad" And then he slap me, on my right cheek.
"Mikey, are you crazy?" He yelled
"Why? I didn't do anything. I just woke up."
"Yes you just woke up. But do you remember what you did last night?" He asked. I laugh, I know he just want to know what happened before he passed out
"Frank, I passed out before you. You don't drink too much last night, why you so panic about that?" He shook his head. "What?" I asked innocently. "Seriously, Frank. What happened?" He slap me right on my face again. Harder than before. He cover his face with his hand "You fucked things up, Mikey. You fucked this up again." He said angrily at me. I don't know anything, I swear. 
"I? Fucked up? What did I do?" I push him
"You. Told. Valerie. To. Fucking leave. You told her you don't want to see her face again. You fucking told her to leave." My stomach dropped. No, I didn't do that. No. Frank let a bitter laugh "I know you don't love her more than I love her. I won't told her something bad even when I'm drunk." and then he left. What did I do? 

I look around my bunk, her backpack is gone, some of her clothes too. Her camera gone, but she left both of her phone. She fucking left her phone and choose to bring a stupid camera with her. I unlocked her old phone that I told her to throw it away, but she didn't do that. My sister haven't reply me yet, let me told her my new number and then I'll throw it away, she said. I found 3 messages from her brother.

"Go home, now."
"Please we won't do anything to you anymore, forgive us. Please come back home"
"I know you're in Dublin, me too. Meet me and we will talk about some stuff"

and then she replied.

"I will meet you. I know you know where I am. I will meet you at the park near mcr bus. But please don't do anything to Mikey. Or the rest of them. Please."

I check the time she send her massage, 02:34 am. The only thing I remember was we all back to our bus at midnight. 

"What time?" Her brother replied. And then she didn't reply. Or maybe she delete it because her brother said "good" after that. Oh God, I shouldn't yelled at her and told her to leave, she wouldn't leave if I didn't told her too. Oh God, what did I do. I run to the park near our bus, it's 1 pm. And no one here. I walk around the park and found a paper. "Mikey. Home. Valerie." What? What is it? My phone rang, Gerard. "Mikey, we need to move" I nodded and hung up. I mentally slap myself, Gerard can't see me nodded.

I'm back to my tour bus "Where were you?" Gerard said with a panic voice. "Looking for Valerie, of course. What else?" I said. "What? You told her to leave but now you looking for her again? You don't know how long she cried last night?" 
"Yes I know, Gerard. Don't remind me about that. I know. I know." I push him away from my way. "And now what will you do? Regret all what you already done? Cried? No use, Mikey. No use." He said
"And then what can I do?! What can I fucking do now?! We can't canceled the tour, I can't found her. I....I fucked this up. I can't protect her. It's just a week or whatever. and she already done with me. I.....hate myself." And then it came again, all of my suicidal mind came again. I can feel my demons dance happily because they're alive again now. "No, Mikey." 
"Yes Gerard." I throw the paper that I found in the park and go to my bunk. It's just a week or so, and someone's already give up on me. I grab my pillow and hug it. And then I found another paper under my pillow. 

I'm sorry Mikey, I can't keep living behind your back. I'm sorry, I messed your life up. I'm sorry I make you worried too much and make you can't sleep sometimes. I know you through some sleepless night, because I notice the bag under you eyes getting darker, but you still look adorable, like always. I'm sorry, I left my phone. I'm sorry, I should leave. Believe me, it's not because of you yelling and shout at me last night. It's just me, the longer I stay away from my family the more I feel guilty. I think they need me. They text me so many time. My mother have no one to help her clean the house, and I need to work to help them pay the bills. Or just buy my father a bottle of Jack. I'm sorry Mikey. I swear, it's not because of you. I just want to leave, I need to leave. You always know where I am, I'm at home. But that house doesn't feel like home. But it's okay. You're my home, let pretend that I leave my home (or you) for vacation. I love you, Michael. I really love you.

What?  Does she think about me? Yes, okay. I yelled at her, she doesn't need to think about me. But, she should know I need her too. I really need her too. But she choose her family. Okay, I know she know her family since she was born and she just know me since weeks or yeah. But I didn't abuse her, or rape her, or make her live like hell. Why Valerie? Why?

Her phone went off, she have a new message on her old phone.

"Where are you, bitch?" from her brother.

What? If she's not with him, then where is she?