Chapter 34: It's just too much

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by cloudwatchings

by cloudwatchings

Chapter 34: It's just too much

Carter's P.O.V

Jason and I were now at a hotel, and I have no idea where we are at. I never know where we are at. Why the hell did I fall in love with Jason McCann? I just can't help myself. He's definitely the one for me, although we're complete opposites. At the moment, Jason was pacing back and forth while pulling at the ends of his hair. I didn't want to interfere because we all know how Jason can get whenever he's upset. "I-I just don't know what to do anymore." He murmured.

"Jason, we can get through this. I promise." I stated. "Jesus Carter, you don't know everything!" Jason said frantically. He started to pull at his hair, and he rubbed his eyes with his hands. I sighed, and rolled my eyes. "I'm really getting tired of this attitude that you always have with me. I don't get what I am doing wrong?"

He walked towards me, and sat down on the bed. He wrapped his arms around me, and nuzzled his head into the crook of my neck. "I'm so sorry." He breathed. "It's alright..." I mumbled. "I don't understand how you are able to stand me." He whispered. "Babe, I don't know either. You drive me absolutely insane." I laughed, and he giggled.

"What are we going to do?" I asked. "Well, I've been thinking. Either we leave this goddamn country, or we live on an island." He spoke. "Are you serious?" I said dumbfounded. "We don't have any other options."

"I don't get how you can love a fuck-up like me." He mumbled. "That's because you're my fuck-up, and frankly I don't care what you do. I will love you no matter what. I don't care where we stay as long as you're by my side." I said as I kissed his forehead. Jason and I hadn't had an intimate moment for a while, and this feels so right. I don't understand how I fell for him... I question myself about it every day.

I don't care if he kills, bombs, steals, drinks, does drugs, or any of that. In my eyes he can do no wrong. I can trust him with my entire life, and I know that he'll do anything to keep me safe. I can tell him all of my secrets, and I know that he won't tell anyone. He won't judge me for everything I do either. He's my badass with a crazed past, and I intend on mending him, but right now isn't the time for any of that.

"Jason, I need to tell you a few things." I mumbled. "What baby?" He asked. "Well, while I was at Johnson's house I found something." I stated. I bit my lip, and hoped that he knew what I was talking about. But instead, he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "I found a journal, and it belonged to you a long time ago. Do you remember it?"

He just nodded his head, and he looked a little nervous. He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. "Well, I read some of it and-" I said before he cut me off, "Oh my god, you read it? Fucking wonderful." He started to tug at the ends of his hair again, and I sighed. "Jason, it isn't a big deal. I just want you to know that I care about you, and I'll always be here if you need me. Feel free to vent to me any time you want." I said as I ran my fingers through his golden brown locks. "And stop tugging at your hair. You don't want to go bald, do you?" I teased, and he shook his head.

"Thanks, and you said that you had to tell me a few things." He said. I froze as I thought about Johnson's house... and what happened there. "O-Oh well, Johnson made me stay with all those women. This one guy was assaulting a girl there, so I stood up for her. Then, the guy r-raped me." I confessed. I felt ashamed in myself. It still hurts.

Jason immediately ripped his body away from mine, and he shot up from the bed. "HE WHAT?!" Jason bellowed. "H-He raped me." I stuttered. "I am going back there, and I am going to fucking tear this guy to shreds!" He screamed. "Jason, no! You aren't going back there. It's alright."

"It's not alright! It will never be alright! Are you crazy? I can't fucking wait to get my hands on this guy!" Jason growled. I started to tear up, "Seriously Jason? Can you stop thinking about killing this guy for one second, and can you actually talk to me? I need you more than ever right now, and you're acting like this!"

His eyes softened, and he let out a big sigh. "I'm sorry, it's just everything is too fucking much." He said as he sucked on his teeth. He made his way back over to me, and he laid on the bed. He widened his arms as I crawled towards him. I laid down on his chest, and he ran his fingers through my hair. "Are you okay?" He whispered. "I really don't know." I mumbled as my voice cracked.

He continued to twirl my hair around. I could feel his breathing getting lighter; he's about to fall asleep. "I'm sorry for everything." He whispered. His voice was faint, and scratchy. I didn't even bother to answer him because he's already half asleep.

I can only imagine what it'd be like to live on an island with Jason. We'd probably fight all the time, but I'd still love him anyway. Maybe we'd be able to grow old together, and possibly have children. But, I doubt that Jason would want kids any time soon or in the future. He'd be an amazing father. But, nothing good ever lasts.

I already know that my love life isn't a fairytale like everyone else's, and it's obvious that we aren't going to live the happiest life. I just hope that everything doesn't take a turn for the worst.

I really hope.

***

I know that I promised to update a day and a half ago, but I just found out that my great-grandmother had passed away, and I had to go to her viewing for five hours yesterday and the mass/funeral/wake today for her. Please don't complain on the shortness of this chapter, and I'm sorry that it's so boring and shitty. I understand if you don't want to read this anymore... I wouldn't want to either. I finally found a cover that I like, and my friend @OverboardRauhl made it for me. I am trying to update more frequently, but I have like the worst case of writers block...

If you have a good idea for the next few chapters then PM me please. I'd highly appreciate it.

Thank you so much for the support and 260k reads. I don't understand how I got so much reads, but thank-you.