Skin Deep

Chapter 31

Amanda

            I spent the day at University today. It makes me feel so incredibly old, yet entirely too young and naïve. I woke up this morning for my first day of classes with a nervous knot in my stomach. Getting ready to go out in public stresses me out less than usual these days. I’ve kind of steeled myself to the reactions I get. So, as I applied my makeup this morning, I was careful to leave my scar completely exposed.

            The other students were different than I expected, yet very much the same. It’s hard to describe, I suppose. It’s because everyone there is so different from one another. The atmosphere is totally unlike high school. The campus has cliques, sure, but they are few and far between. Mostly, the kids in my classes are just trying to get degrees and get out. I try to be as outgoing as I can, but it is only my first day, so I haven’t made friends yet.

            Luckily for me, Luke is there. He’s not in any of my classes, or even on a break at the same time as me. I got direct entry into the nursing program, because I want to be like my nurse Lucy was. I want to help hurting people. Luke is in some basic classes until he decides what he wants to do. But we found out that we have to pass each other twice in the course of the day to get to our classes; they are going to be moments I look forward to.

            Luke and I split the cost of a parking pass and take his car to school. I much prefer that to taking the bus. That may be something I never quite get over.

            At the end of the day, Luke has a spare while I have another class. Today, he waited for me. I figure he’ll probably wait for me every day. When I saw him after my class, I felt my heart rate pick up. Like, a lot. He just looked so cute, and he had the sweetest grin on his face. This little blonde girl was totally checking him out, too. I smiled politely at her as he walked past her and took my books from me.

            Luke just dropped me off at home. His parents needed him to pick up some groceries. He invited me to come, and while grocery shopping with Luke actually has quite a bit of appeal, I opted out in favour of a snack and some downtime. I figure that free time will be lacking for the next few years.

            I sit on the couch with a bowl of ice cream, mixing it around and around. The kids in my elementary school used to talk about “ice cream soup” all the time. I never had it. I never had ice cream until my first date in the ninth grade.

            This is harder than it looks, but after a while, my ice cream has mixed with my chocolate syrup for a dull brown, thick liquid. There are little lumps where my chocolate chips are hiding. I take a huge spoonful, cringing at the momentary brain freeze. This is… pretty good. It should taste exactly the same as regular ice cream, but it has some sort of added awesomeness because it’s been upgraded to ice cream soup.

            I clean out the bowl in a few minutes. As I’m rinsing it out in the sink, I think about all the things I didn’t have as a kid that everyone else did. There was a bed, and a loving family, of course, but even the small things like fun treats for dessert that every little kid should get to enjoy. My mother robbed me of childhood innocence; she robbed me of childhood.

            She should see me now. All those things that she did that hurt me only made me stronger. Here I am now, a university woman on her way to being a nurse, living in a loving home with a big, soft bed. Here I am eating ice cream soup.

            I drop the bowl in the sink and stand up straighter, with a new resolve. My mother should see me now. I pull on my nicest fall coat and boots and leave the house, locking the door behind me.