my random madness

not funny

A/N

ya ya i know no one likes these but oh well i like to say that most of these jokes are not mine some are though well this is not funny it is quite the opposite its a bunch of creepy rhymes

1)itsy bitsy spider- the song most know is actually the first verse, there are more that got left out the real song goes:

the itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout

out came the rain and washed the spider out

out came the sun and dried up all the rain

and the itsy bitsy spider climbed up the spout again

the itsy bitsy spider crawled into mommas bed

crawled up to the baby and bit him on the head

momma lay there sleeping while baby lay there dead

and the itsy bitsy spider crawled out of mommas bed

it goes on to the spider killing the dog, then the mom, then the dad

2)

a man of words and not of deeds is like a garden full of weeds

and as the weeds begin to grow its like a garden full of snow

and as the snow begins to fall its like a bird upon the wall

and as the bird away does fly its like an eagle in the sky

and as the eagle begins to soar its like a lion at your door

and as your door begins to crack its like a stick across your back

and as your back begins to smart its like a pen knife through the heart

and as your heart begins to bleed your dead your dead your dead indeed

3)Ladies and jelly spoons, hobos and tramps,

Cross-eyed mosquitoes and bow-legged ants,

I stand before you to sit behind you

To tell you something I know nothing about.

Next Thursday, which is Good Friday,

There's a Mother's Day meeting for fathers only.

Wear your best clothes if you haven't any.

Please come if you can't; if you can, stay at home.

Admission is free; pay at the door.

Pull up a chair and sit on the floor.

It makes no difference where you sit;

The man in the gallery's sure to spit.

The show is over, but before you go,

Let me tell you a story I don't really know.

One fine day in the middle of the night,

Two dead boys got up to fight,

Back to back they faced each other,

Drew their swords and shot each other,

One was blind and the other couldn't, see

So they chose a dummy for a referee.

A blind man went to see fair play,

A dumb man went to shout "hooray!"

A paralysed donkey passing by,

Kicked the blind man in the eye,

Knocked him through a nine inch wall,

Into a dry ditch and drowned them all,

A deaf policeman heard the noise,

And came to arrest the two dead boys,

If you don't believe this story's true,

Ask the blind man he saw it too.

4)Yesterday, upon the stair,

I met a man who wasn't there

He wasn't there again today

I wish, I wish he'd go away...

When I came home last night at three

The man was waiting there for me

But when I looked around the hall

I couldn't see him there at all!

Go away, go away, don't you come back any more!

Go away, go away, and please don't slam the door

Last night I saw upon the stair

A little man who wasn't there

He wasn't there again today

Oh, how I wish he'd go away

5)Lizzie Borden took an axe

And gave her mother forty whacks.

And when she saw what she had done

She gave her father forty-one.

6)One Two, Freddies coming for you.

Three four, Better lock the door.

Five six, Grab your crucifix.

Seven Eight, Stay up late.

Nine ten, Freddies coming again.