A Gingers Crazy Love

39: Talking with her

*Sals pov*
I stay in the ambulance with Hellbent. I clutch his hand. We arrive at the hospital and he is put into a ward. I sit next to him. Don't die on us Hellbent, we all need you: me, Andi, Dolan, Zaragamba, the whole lot of us. Please, we love you. I think it's my fault. If I hadn't been born, none of this would have happened I start crying into my hands. His eyes start fluttering. He wakes up. Sal, come here. I edge the chair nearer. It's not me they need, it's You. You've made such a difference to all of us. And what's this rubbish about it wouldn't have happened if you weren't born? So what? Friends protect each other, that's what I did and he takes off his oxygen mask. I wipe the tears away and smile. I think I am falling for him.

*Tolops pov*
Ever since I attacked Sal, I've been feeling so very guilty. So to make it up to her, I'm gonna give her a present. She isn't a girly girl. Not much of a tomboy either. But she did tell me she's a huge fan of old movies, particularly old Disney. So I go out to the DVD place and buy her Mary Poppins. I call her. Hey Sal. I've something for you at home. I chirp. I will be there in ten she replies. I put the bag with the DVD on in it on the couch. I start making her dinner: fries, nuggets and meatballs. The door opens and she comes in, hair all over the place. Tolop, not to offend you, but could we do this tomorrow? I'm really tired she yawns. I nod. She goes off to our room and I go to my laptop after turning off the oven. I go to documents and I find something that I didn't write. It's in the Arial black font but the words are in purple. I open it. I read it.

I'm so sorry I came here, I hate myself for ruining your life. I'm sorry for being ugly, stupid, worthless and a kid. I'd be better off dead, no one wants me. I'm a bully, whore, slut, bitch etc. Don't you dare say it isn't true, because it is. Can't even stay in one place for a time. Bearing kids because of bad crime I did. I'm not just a pretty tomboy. Just because I keep up with guys. I swear I can be so much better...dead. I show my middle finger to the world. I'm more than I show. I can joke. Fuck everything. I'm not just a picture. I'm a daughter, sister, niece and girlfriend. Ya, I feel bad for those people. I may be a hater, but I'm a lover as well. Some days I can be such a slut. I'm much more than a rumor. I'm so worthless. I get really nervous over small things. I get nervous hanging out with guys. I get nervous when my phone buzzes a message. I get nervous when I see my old friends and enimies. I get nervous when my electronics go from 100% to 99%. I'm so worthless.
Sal

I reread it. I quickly turn it off and go to the bathroom. I see Sal standing there with a lit candle stick. She's holding it under her wrist. On the sink there's a needle with string in it. NOO Sal don't do it i say running towards her and wrestling her to the ground. I grab the candle out of her hand and blow it out. What is up with you? She asks, angrily, getting up. Sal, we both know what would have happened if I hadn't stopped you I say, pocketing the needle and thread. I do. You don't she whispers. I take her by her shoulders and push her to my laptop and show her the note. Why would you write something like that? I ask, softly. It's all true. Whores and sluts made me think that. They said it straight up to my face that I was worthless she cries. I'm so sorry Sal I reply. I wrap my hands around her and she sobs into my chest.