C H A P T E R T W O
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song of the chapter
~Where Did We Go Wrong by B2K~
"You was always trippin' for no reason
So when I asked you what was wrong
You carried on like everything was fine,
You and I both know what's really going on,
that's why we broke up over the phone
I was your man, you was my girl
The relationship lasted too long
For you to just walk out without a sign
You didn't ever have to leave
You chose to pull yourself away from me
and I know you wanna see jealousy"
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justin's point of view:
Another day, another show. Another night of singing 'Be Alright' to a sold-out arena while I'm not alright myself.
Tour has always been exhausting, I mean obviously, every day it's an entire album of songs, the choreography that goes with them, and managing social life, interviews, the media, Selena, my family, and fans. There are times that I wish I would have never done it; I would have never posted that video on YouTube, agreed to fly out to Atlanta, and ever even signed with the record label. Don't get me wrong, I wanted this and I'm lucky I have all these opportunities, but it gets to me. I didn't think the fame would come along with being the most hated young individual in the world.
The only person I ever truly can relate to, on a serious level, is Selena. Although, she's been distant lately and every time I call she never has anything to say besides complaining about her mom, or sometimes she won't even answer and just text me that she's busy. Maybe it's the distance, maybe we're drifting, I don't really know, too much is going on right now that I've been trying to ignore everything recently.
I've talked to Scooter about postponing a few shows here and there, and things like that but all he ever has to say in response is that he's disappointed. The last tour, when I got sick I didn't even want to cancel one show, but now, I'd be happy to. It's sad, honestly, and I know it, too, but it's all too much right now. I'm just so tired of sucking everything up. Everyone expects so much out of me and I always end up never meeting the standards, no matter how hard I try, I feel like I can never reach that point to be good enough.
"Avalanna," I looked at the ceiling and imagined her little smile beaming down at me.
"I don't know if you're listening or not, but if you are, I-I," I stopped. "I miss you so bad." My speech progressively became slower, not only because of my emotions but because it got harder to put my feelings into words.
"I just, uh, I just wanted to talk to you because I kinda feel like I'm losing everything. I feel like I don't even know who I am, the only Justin I know is the one everyone else wants me to be. You were the only person who looked at me for who I really am," A tear slid down my cheek. "I miss you, and," I sniffled. "I hope you're having a blast up there." A quiet laugh escaped my lips. "I wish I could be there with you, but a lot of people are counting on me down here, you know,"
It hurt my heart when I started to remember the last time I saw her. I had never felt so much pain in my life until I watched her slowly deteriorate, and knowing there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.
"I wanted to thank you, for always giving me strength. You'll always be my favorite one less lonely girl." I wiped the tears with the sleeve of my hoodie and took a deep breath. "I can't believe you're actually gone," I exhaled. "You deserved way more than the world could have ever given yo-"
