C H A P T E R O N E
__________________________
song of the chapter
~HeartLess by Madison Beer~
"Voice mail is full
Glass if half empty
I want you bad
I want it that bad
...
And I'll never learn
So maybe it's my fault
I always love
I love you too hard"
__________________________
selena's point of view:
I watched as the vodka filled my glass, mesmerizing me. Over and over again, I stared until there was nothing left, not even the pain. Yet the thought of him still haunted me.
**
He planted his lips on my forehead and he held me in his arms. "I'll call you every night, alright." He whispered.
Four weeks and three days. Justin had only been on tour for a month and it was already killing me.
I sighed, looking up at him. "Promise?"
"Pinky promise," A smile spread across his lips as he leaned in and kissed me.
As he pulled away, the reality finally sunk in. He'd be gone for another eight months. And sure, he'll visit, and I'll go to some more of his shows like I am right now, but it's just not the same as having him home.
"Hey," He lifted my chin, obviously seeing I was sad, but why wouldn't I be? "You and me, Sel. You and me."
"You and I, Jay."
He smirked, "You always gotta do that don't you?"
"Always." I smiled.
He kissed me once more. "I gotta go, but call me when you get home. I love you." His amount of passion in such a simple sentence made me realize he really meant it. Really, truly meant it.
***
People used to ask me why I cared about him so much. They told me that he would only break my heart, but I never listened.
The truth isn't that Justin broke my heart, but instead, I broke my own heart. I tricked myself into believing that we could ever make it this long. With my unsupportive mom, the media, fake stories, every single person in the world's input on every little thing we do, our fans, and the fact that no one wants to see us together except ourselves.
I used to think love could conquer all. I mean, it did for a while. When we were on top of the world, and nothing could stop us, not even the ones who mattered most to us, I finally let myself go and I fell in love with him, with no fear.
Justin learned my past not to judge or punish me, but to learn how to love me.
Whenever we would fight to the verge of tears, he would just stop and hold me, because he knew it wasn't worth the point we were both trying to prove. And he made sure that when we were in public, I never had to feel like he was embarrassed by me. We both were born to teenage mothers, so we know how that can feel. But most importantly, he never made me feel like I was anything less than perfect.
The concept of who I would be if I had never met Justin is so weird to think about. What's funny is that we started out as a contract, but it turned into something I never thought I would find; someone who loved me for more than my name. He loved me so delicately, so honestly. It wasn't for the fame or the money, it was for us.
