C H A P T E R T H R E E
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song of the chapter
~The Worst by Jhené Aiko~
"You're the worst
You know what you've done to me
And although it hurts I know
I just can't keep runnin' away
I don't need you, I don't need you
But I want you
I don't mean to, I don't mean to
But I love you"
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selena's point of view:
I had to be up at eight the next morning, but as the sun began to seep through my blinds, he was the only thing on my mind. My head rested on my pillow as I admired the sunrise, thinking of everything I've ever tried to forget.
I remember the exact moment that I realized I was in love with Justin. It was two in the morning and I was awake, a similar situation to the one I was in at the moment.
He was lying beside me in this very spot, with his hand caught up in my hair. He had a smile on his lips, a sparkle in his eyes, and a melody in his voice as he sang a new song he wrote about me. It was then that I realized I never wanted to lay next to anyone for the rest of my life if it wasn't going to be him.
We were far past the honeymoon phase. Before that time, I had been in complete lust, but I was for sure that I had fallen as far as I could at that perfect little moment. He was everything I could have ever wished for, and more.
Although with time, I learned that solely love can't save a relationship. There are too many other factors that play into everything. We might have had the love and the trust, but we didn't have the strength to carry on in lives like our own.
So many years of sadness and anger pushed deep down had finally built up, and that's what broke us.
We strived to fight against it together, but at times we found ourselves only battling each other.
Justin's friends would always call us 'the perfect storm'. They warned us to keep distance, because if we broke up, then our entire worlds would come crashing down. They said we were too reliant on each other to survive on our own, and in a way, it made sense. But in the grander scheme of things, I think it really was a matter of how everyone else viewed us. We had been together for so long that to ever break from that would be unbearable to deal with.
Justin never listened to them, but I did. I took it into consideration and tried to side with him, but over time, it left our minds completely; it was just him and me against the world.
That is until the world started getting harder to beat.
We slowly fell apart over a long period of time, and it was prevalent not only to us but to everyone around us. We leaned on each other for support but even the strength of both of us combined wasn't able to save just one of us.
Soon, my mother became more involved, especially at the times that Justin couldn't always be there for me. She saw me weaken, and it hurt her more than I ever realized. But what I would forget, was that Justin was facing everything I was, and more.
I have always felt like I came up short when it came to loving Justin, not because I loved him any less, but because I never knew how to show it. He was always so good at being everything he could be for me, and I just wasn't.
I had so much guilt towards Justin because I knew he always gave me and our relationship his all, and I barely skimmed the surface.
We were over before we called it quits. We both knew it, although, we pretended like everything was fine for the sake of ourselves and the people in our lives. We wanted to prove everyone who doubted us wrong, but in the end, they were right all along, and we should've known they eventually would be.
