AoT One Shots

Lance Corporal!Reader x Eren Broken

I feel like I haven't written about good old anger issues in a while so here we go. BTW- "triggering" stuff in here. I need to rant about how much I don't like to word triggering but hey... I want to warn you all. Self harm stuff ahead!
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There I was. Sitting at my desk cutting again. I knew it was wrong but I couldn't help it. All of my friends were dead..my family abandoned me once I joined the military. I was supposed to be down my paperwork but I couldn't focus since every part was about another cadet going missing or dying.

I was holding back tears until I got to the page with my closest friends. Kate and Liam. They were in my squad until an aberrant Titan separated us. I was thrown off my horse. It was too late by the time I came to. They were already dead. I blamed myself for it. If I had just killed it when I first saw it they wouldn't be dead and I wouldn't be alone again.

Now that they were gone I knew no one care about me at all. No one would care if I died. I had nothing to live for anymore. And that's what started the cycle.

I slid the blade across my wrist up until my elbow. Tears flowed from my eyes.Blood was flowing onto my desk, staining the wood. I covered it with my shirt and folded up my pants and cut my legs. Blood seeped through my white pants and stained them.

Suddenly I heard a knock at my door. I wiped my eyes and put away the knife in my drawer of razor blades.

"Who is it?" I ask trying to sound like I wasn't just crying

"Eren. M'am.. may I come in?"

"Why?" Honestly I didn't want anyone come in and see me like this.

It would be easier to die if someone wasn't trying to get into my office.

"I have papers from Captain Levi."

"Fine." I picked up a pen and acted like I was writing.

I looked up at Eren to see he didn't have paper work.

"What the fuck Eren! Where the paperwork?!"
I slammed my hands on the desk and glared at him.

"I never had any.. I wanted to talk to you."

"About what?!" I kept my glare despite my arm being in excruciating pain from slamming it down.

"What's that (Y/N)." Eren pointed to the desk which had a pool of blood on it.

"N-none of your business. GET OUT!" I yelled

"You just stuttered. You never stutter. Something isn't right."

"Eren get the FUCK out of my office or I'll-"

"What! What will you do? Kill yourself!?"

"What I do is NONE of your business!" I screamed

"Yes it is!"

"No Eren' whether I live or die!! I doesn't matter!!! No one cares!! So get the hell out!" (Juuzou anybody?)

Eren stood his ground. I tried to keep a stern face so he would leave.

"Get...... out...." I said through gritted teeth.  I walked over to my desk and sat down. 

When i looked up Eren was still there standing over my desk. He was trying to put in a stern face as well but I could tell he wasn't really mad.

"If I leave you'll kill yourself won't you (Y/N)?"

"Shut up Eren and get the hell out!! What about leave me alone don't you understand?!"

"I can't do that because if I do you'll end up using these."

Eren walked over to the drawer of razor blades and pulled it open revealing the bloody blades and the freshly used one.

"Why do you do this (Y/N)? Everyone is losing limbs left and right and you're purposely destroying yours? Why?"

"BECAUSE I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE!!! I'm tired of this life!!! IM TIRED OF LIVING LIKE THIS!! MY ONLY FRIENDS ARE DEAD! HUMANITY HAS NO CHANCE ANYMORE!!! It'll be better once I'm gone!" I scream as tears flowed down my face.

I fell to my knees and cried into my hands.

Eren knelt down next to me.

"G-get away!" I scooted away up against a wall and cried.

"Why are you pushing me away? I haven't done anything to you. I'm trying to help you."

"I DONT WANT HELP!! Why can't you understand that!!! No one loves me!!! No one cares!!!"

"I DO (Y/N)!!! And plenty of others!!"

"YOURE JUST SAYING THAT.. ITS NOT TRUE."

"Yes it is... what would you do if you found out I hurt myself like you do?"

"E-Eren.... wh-what?" I asked in fear as I lifted my head.

Eren pulled up his shirt to reveal old scars along his rib cage and abdomen.

"N-no..."

I reached up to touch them..

"W-when did y-you do this?" I asked tears still falling

"As a trainee.. I had to go through it alone... one night I was ready to end it all... but I didn't.. because I knew that it wasn't the only way.."

I'm I looked up at Eren and held my wrist in my other hand.

"I-I'm sorry... I should've ask for help."

I cried into my hands and whispered things like "I'm sorry"

"(Y/N) it's ok.. shh.."
Eren cradled me back and forth while I cried into his shirt.

"I'm so sorry.. I'm stupid.. I shouldn't have done this."

"It's ok.. we'll get through this."

Slowly I wrapped my arms around his neck and tightly hugged him.

He pulled me closer so that I was on his lap.

"I love you (Y/N)."

"I love you Eren. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry... I'll always be here for you."

"Always."