FIRE (Frerard)

My Own Worst Enemy

Opening the door, I prepare myself for the questions and yelling.

"Gerard!" My mother is the first to see my come through the door with Frank in hand. I walk towards to where the are all sitting in the living room. "Where the hell have you been?" She asks running up to where I stand.

"Yeah Gee, why did you run out like that?" Mikey asks, sitting on the couch next to Dad.

Demon problems.

But I guess I'll lie.

"Uhm, just... needed some fresh air is all." I say nervously, Frank rubs my hand with his thumb to try and soothe me.

My mom just folds her arm and inspects my face as if the answers to her questions were hidden in my expression.

"Well, why were you out for so long? Did you really have to take the van somewhere?" She's asking rational questions but I cant give her answers that sound rational.

I bite my lip a little, trying to think of an excuse. "We were just driving around, sorry for worrying you." I do feel bad about it, but it's over now.

She just gives me a quizzical look and then turns her head to glance at dad who just shrugs. "Okay... are you alright?"

I don't fucking know.

Maybe?

Probably not.

I don't exactly feel alright.

I just nod my head and smile. Covering up the pain, the fear, the sadness. But that doesn't really matter, I need to worry about more important things. Like how to control this without Frank, because I could be with Mikey the next time this happens, and he can't see me burst into flames. And I can't see him get hurt.

"Okay, go do homework or something." She cracks me a slight smile and turns around to enter the kitchen.

"Hey, need to talk to you guys some more." Mikey says, standing up. Dad looks between the three of us, hoping to find out what it is he needs to talk about.

"About what?" I ask with a smirk on my face even though I already know what it is.

Mikey narrows his eyes at me and I wink at him. A low growl comes from the bottom of his throat and dad shoots his eyes at him.

"What the hell is wropng with you two?" Dad asks referring to me and Mikey's behavior.

"A lot. You can trust me on that." I tell him, my smirk fading into a straight line. Because it's true, there is a lot wrong with us.

"Shut it, we're going to your room now." Mikey mubles and walks pass me to go to my room. I stay still and Frank is still holding my hand, next to me.

"Is everything okay?" Dad asks with his eyes narrowed and leaning forward. He looks at me, I can tell he's worried about us. I hate that I can't tell him anything, even though I know he would shun me if I did. It would just be so much easier to let it all out. Because I'm beating myself up. Everyday and every night, in my dreams, wether or not I'm sleeping when they happen. And it hurts, my heart sinks when I look at Mikey in the morning and can't be honest with him. I would say that he doesn't deserve this fresh start, that he should have to live every single day with what he's done, but I can't. Because I know what that feels like, being the person you fear the most, it's a constant torture that I would never wish on anyone.

I snap out of my thoughts, push them to the back if my mind. Focus in on my dad's eyes which are still narrowed in curiousity.

"Everything's fine." The words feel so numb, nothing is fine. They would be if I could let myself forget and move on. But that won't be happening, it will never be happening.