Lassitude •3rd Book

The Day

Lassitude ~49

Riley Dallas' pov

"The cookies were so good," I hum happily and smile. Shawn and I are in my office. I am re-arranging books on the shelves as my brother sat on the recliner.

"You and your cookies Ri," Shawn chuckles. "Shouldn't you be sitting or not doing too much?"

"I'm feeling okay." I shrug and continue to focus my attention on the books.

"You're nine months in. Are you sure you're alright to be up?" I turn to my brother to see he is looking at me unsure.

"I'm feeling fine though. This isn't hard work."

"Okay. Do you want me to get you more cookies and a cup of warm milk?"

"Yes please." I hear from behind, Shawn getting up. He comes over to me and kisses the side of my head before making his way out of the room. I continue to re-sort the books in the office wondering why I would do this now if I would be packing them soon.

I felt very unsure about the letter I gave to Cameron this morning. As much as I want to try and continue our marriage, I can't forget what happened and it still scares me that this could happen again. In a way, I'm not sure if I can ever be one hundred percent comfortable with him again.

I know I left it up to him to decide and I told him that I wanted us to give us another shot, but... will I be happy? I haven't been quite happy and comfortable ever since this has happened and I've been trying to push past all of this, trying to stay positive.

It's not working.

Cameron is the love of my life and he always will be. I just wish... he didn't do some of the things he has done, because now I'm questioning everything. It scares me even more that I have to face this and I can't undo any of this.

I hear my phone ringing from the desk and I turn around to slowly make my way over. I pick my phone up to see Cameron wanting to FaceTime. I answer and let the call connect. Cameron pops up on the phone moments later and I see his face flushed. He has tears.

"Hi Cam," I answer lightly. "Is everything alright?"

"I'm more than alright. I just read you letter. You decided to give us another chance?" I can see how happy this makes him and it upsets me if I told him that maybe I shouldn't have written the letter that way. But he's so happy and I don't want to crush his spirit right after he read the letter.

"I-I guess I do." I bite the side of my lip. I look away from the screen.

"Ri... is everything alright?" I can hear the worry in his tone.

"Of course," I half smile and look back to the screen. I see Cam with a concerned expression.

"Are you rethinking about what you said towards the end of your letter?" I look away from the screen and fold my arms.

"I'm sorry."

"Ri... I told you if you want to get a divorce... I'll sign the papers. You don't have to stay with me after everything that has happened."

"I feel so bad for getting your hopes up. I didn't mean to do that." My tone is sad and I feel terrible for changing my mind so many times before and during this letter.

"I want what makes you happy."

"But you were my happiness."

"Were. Past tense Ri. You have to find your new happiness."

"I don't know what I want," I sigh and close my eyes.

"We'll talk about it when I get home, alright?" I only nod because I don't know what else to say to him. "Is there anything you want me to get you while we're out?"