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20

"Do you mind telling me about Namjoon?"

Taehyung's question catches Jin off guard. He hasn't talked about – or really thought of – Namjoon since before he and Tae had gotten together, and he certainly hasn't expected to be asked about him.

"About the breakup?" he asks, swallowing. "Well, uh, I – "

"No," Tae says quickly, "not the breakup specifically. Just – about Namjoon. When you were happy."

Oh.

Jin doesn't know if that's worse or better than talking about the breakup.

"Okay," he says anyway, forever unable to deny Tae anything. "Okay. What do you want to know?"

"Was he sweet?"

Jin closes his eyes.

He doesn't know if he wants to remember, but at the same time, he does.

"Yes," he answers after a minute. "Yes, he was."

Tae is listening raptly, nodding to show that he's paying attention, but he doesn't ask anything specific. Jin takes that as an invitation to keep talking.

"He.. he never forgot an anniversary," he tells him. "He always bought me flowers or cooked dinner or something like that. It was always little things, but it made me happy."

Tae hums in acknowledgment, pressing his (very much clothed) body flush against Jin's on the bed.

"We had plans to travel the world," Jin goes on. "We were going to go everywhere – Africa, because I wanted to see the elephants; Europe, because he wanted to visit Paris; Asia, for the food."

Tae laughs. "It's always for the food."

"Of course it is," Jin says approvingly. "We were going to see the Eiffel Tower, the Nile River, Spain, Italy – everything. We wanted to do it right after he graduated, but we never got to. I was already in college, and he was just starting, and we just.. never got around to it."

"How long were you together?"

"Since my senior year and his junior year in high school. I thought he'd propose after a few years, but, uh, he never did."

"He's an idiot, but I'm not complaining," Tae mumbles, and Jin laughs.

"He's always had commitment issues," he says. "When he first asked me on a date, he bailed at the last minute, and then once we got together he kept trying to put off telling our parents."

"When you say commitment issues – "

"He cheated, yeah. But you already knew that."

Tae's quiet for a second, eyes tracing over the lines of Jin's face.

"You forgave him, though, didn't you?" he asks. "When you first told me he cheated, you were still dating him."

"Yeah," Jin says. "I forgave him. I was home sick that day and I had Kook over at my house and he came home with a girl. He'd been cheating for weeks, by then – months, maybe – and he said it was nothing emotional."

"Like friends with benefits?"

"That's what he told me."

"And it wasn't true?"

Jin sighs. "No. It wasn't."

Tae brushes Jin's bangs out of his eyes and asks, "Do you want to keep talking? You don't have to."

"No, I – I have to," Jin says quickly. He's not lying: once he'd started talking, he hasn't been able to stop. "I need to tell you."

"Okay. I'm listening."

"Once when he thought I was asleep, I heard him talking to her on the phone. It was very much something emotional. He loved her."

"He loved you."

"He never told me that." Jin clenches his teeth in an attempt to keep his tears at bay. "It was never I love you too with him. It was I know, or of course you do, and it – and it hurt, Tae. It hurt so much."

"I know, baby," Tae breathes, pressing light kisses all over his face. "I know. I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," Jin says. Deep breaths. "You didn't do anything."

"He didn't deserve you," Tae murmurs. The next kiss is placed squarely against Jin's lips. "You deserve so much better, baby."

"Well I have you now, don't I?"

Tae smiles. "Yeah," he agrees. "Yeah, you do."

Good.

"Better?" Tae asks, running fingers through Jin's hair. "After talking about it, I mean?"

"Yeah," Jin says.

(He's surprised that he means it, because he didn't even know that he'd needed to talk about it.)

"Hey," Jin breathes, "while I'm spilling my soul out to you, there's something I want to say."

"Okay."

They're impossibly close now; Jin can't even tell whose heartbeat is whose. He could count his boyfriend's eyelashes if he tried.

"Tae, I – I think I'm in love with you."

He holds his breath. Don't you dare tell me you know, don't you dare –

"I think," Tae says, soft and slow, "I'm in love with you too."