To future you,
Stop. Don't feel guilty, don't reach out, don't fall for it. She doesn't deserve your help. She lost the right to it a long time ago and that is her fault, not yours.
Stop. Take a breath and remember, remember how much you love everything you're doing. You're going to SM and be ME. ASM as a sophomore, Lead as a junior, SM Mamma Mia. You're going to spend your whole life being yourself professionally and that is crazy in a wonderful way.
Stop. You can do this. There will be days when you have to grit your teeth and pull up your big girl pants and throw every ounce of yourself onto what you know is the right path and you are 100% capable of doing that.
Stop. Stop talking yourself down. Stop trying to contain yourself. Give yourself permission to hope. Hope and trust that for once you won't be let down. Don't let fear prevent something wonderful. There is no one to let you down on this but yourself and you won't do that so believe in it, believe in yourself.
Stop. Stop stressing about the isolation. It sucks, it really does that you're different and some days it will be more apparent than others but it is out of your control. You grew up fast and while that wasn't in your control, you wouldn't change it for the world and you know it. They don't understand you and that's why they name-call and judge. You don't understand them so you have no right to judge. Don't waste time/energy/power pretending to care and just move forward. Maybe they'll catch up some day.
Stop. She likes you. He likes you. And you've earned that. You've worked your butt of and they know that.
Stop. You are a really cool person. You are smart. You are mature. You are responsible. You are such a hard worker. You commit every ounce of yourself to things you care for and that is something few people can say. You balance an unreasonably busy schedule with ease. You have found what you are passionate for. You are good at life and you can handle any challenge or blessing it throws your way.
Stop. You are so fortunate. You go to a great school. You are a part of so many great programs. You are gaining tons of great experience that will carry you through much of your life. You can do this.
Stop. Trust yourself. You will make the best decision that you can with the resources you have. You are different so naturally your path will be different. Compare yourself to yesterdays you instead of others. Believe that your different is a good different because it is.
Stop. They are not you. They don't think or process or function like you. You do not fully understand where they are coming from so you have no right to judge their decisions or actions or words.
Stop. You are not obligated to keep negative influences around. You do not owe them anything. You owe it to yourself to make good decisions.
Stop. Trust your gut. Your gut has proven itself before and it deserves to be trusted. If something seems off then there is something off. If you're getting bad vibes it is for a reason. You have a good sense for people. You have a good sense for how to deal with people. Trust your instincts, they're there for a reason.
Stop. You work your tailbone off and people notice that. If you need a break, take one. It's not worth working yourself to death. Breathe, regroup, and pick back up. Take the time you need to do that whether it's a minute or a week. You'll be a better self after and everyone will appreciate that.
Stop. Call mom.
Stop. You are okay. And if you're not, you will be. And if time won't make you okay, find a change that will. Reevaluate.
You deserve to show yourself kindness. Every single one of these statements is true. Read it again if you don't believe me because I'm not lying to you to try and make you feel better. I'm stating facts that are facts regardless of your ability to lose track of them.
Smile. Everything will be better after a shower and a good nights sleep. You can do this.
