Love Overcast // (ManxMan)

=Chapter 18=

A/N: I just want to say that his face is significantly more photoshopped than that I can handle and it's HILARIOUS when I went searching for photos... I swear his face is less jarring on his Instagram page lol

[Jameson]

I stare at the alcoholic beverage in front of me like it's some sort of arsenic infused toxin that will incubate an alien inside my stomach and rip my  insides apart. It doesn't help that there is a massive thumping that permeates the wall into this so called private room that I have no doubt has at least one security camera that is looking straight at me.

My paranoia could be worse, I could have had my switchblade in my hand. Because it really doesn't feel too good to be left waiting when my brand new friends were the ones to invite me here. I recall the days when alcohol was my water, I don't know why I thought that was a good idea on any degree, I despise myself for it.

There would be moments when I specifically remember the face of a girl who I've had sex with, it would've made what I have down there stand at attention if I were still in my early twenties. Now? I just feel myself face palming at how much of a fuckboy I was.

Faintly on the reflection of the curved glass, I can just barely make out my facial features. I try smiling, and the wrinkles at the corner of my eyes show immediately. I would like to think that it's from me smiling everyday, but I think my smile would kill everything in the 5 mile radius like some mini nuke. I've been exposed to so many stress inducing situations, I think it's been putting a couple years on my tab.

I bring a hand up to feel my jaw, I have a fairly sharp jawline, nothing extraordinary like that kid Lance. Props to him for being brave enough to be a model, I don't for a second think that he is not qualified because a confused man such as I can list a fair few things that makes him insanely good looking. Add educated, caring, calm and logical to that and you have a recipe for Lance.

Realistically, how I look doesn't really bother me, I just want to look decent enough to be presentable. But of course, everyone is a little insecure. If I had slightly a lighter hair colour, or if my eyes didn't squint as much as they do, maybe then I'd win over Owen's heart.

The two of us have been talking, mainly over text since I no longer work at the shelter, and of course, there is not point for me to go back there apart from catching a glimpse at the man that's been fucking with my heart for weeks. Our conversations centre around trivial things that don't really hold any value apart from personal amusement, they don't last all that long either, he doesn't feel comfortable extending the conversation sometimes and I don't feel the need to force him into speaking with me. 5 minutes a day is enough to get me motivated.

He really does look like an angel, fair skin with a dash of body hair to make him look masculine enough to be both hot and cute at the same time. His height doesn't damper his smart mouth and it sure as hell doesn't help me wanting to wrap my arms around his body and snuggle with him as I fall asleep.

I never was a love sick person. But sometimes it's good to think about a stable future, I dream of having a family, a nice, decent sized one. Maybe a house in the country side where I get enough space to grow my own crops. Keep a couple hens, horses. That would be the dream.

Realisation hits me hard as I come back to where I am sitting, alone in a bar waiting for Felix and Roman to show up. I've been dreaming, an ability I thought to have become extinct years ago when I first started being a marine. It makes the corner of my lips curl up, I'm regaining humanity, maybe this is where everything begins.

A warm feeling spreads across my chest as I continue to confide in my thoughts. I imagine Owen's sweet smile, then how he recoils when he sneezes. It's beyond adorable, and I really don't mind being love sick if it means feeling like this for a while.