Love Overcast // (ManxMan)

=Chapter 10=

A/N: I just want to point out that I have a severe fetish(?) for the male side boob area, dangerously close to the armpit and right where the pecs look juicer than a ripe pear.

[Lance]

I would never say this out loud, but I feel incredibly overpowered and uncomfortable right now, sitting in the middle of a bunch of adults screaming over fictional characters that are directly commanded by the controller in each of their hands. Somehow they think yelling would make their hands move any which way that would advantage them.

Maybe it's just me being an asshole, but I really don't understand the appeal. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for good fictional characters but some games lack a story and that kind of does the whole thing in for me... I promise I'm trying my best here, I am around these people for Taylor's sake, but in the midst of doing that there are things that started bubbling inside of me and I don't know if I like it or not.

Taylor always gushes about Skylar, saying that he is a very nice person, how he wants to be like Skylar. I agree that Skylar is a very special person, but is that because I have fallen for that trademark smile? Those strangely chilling eyes or is it just because I am desperate and lonely?

I've always been a very proper person, not because I want to but because that is how I think people would like me to be. I would much rather let loose and laugh like I did that night in the kitchen with Skylar telling jokes, but the more I release myself to possibilities the more I find myself reeling back in and fearing what's beyond the present.

I like things calculated, affection takes the least amount of calculation in any empathetic emotion there is to offer inside the human brain, anger comes second and fear comes third. I had that awkward conversation with Sebastien because I know he cares deeply for Skylar, a very small part of that conversation is to relieve his worries. But a larger part of me is trying to convince myself that I am not falling Skylar through outwardly admitting things that might not be true; trying to voice my opinion diplomatically like I always do.

But I failed, among the countless stuttering and endless strings of unfinished thoughts, I just couldn't put words together that sound any sort of cohesive in front the man who raised a life saver. Conflict is something I hate, and internal conflict only makes that ten times worse.

Sincerely, I don't want to make a fuss about my feelings, but at the same time, I bought Skylar something without a second thought. I tried convincing myself that it is just an experiment to see if this is all real. But I didn't want experiment, I want results. It is only results that I can calculate and formulate conclusions, that's what I am good at. Not intuitive thinking, that stuff is like the plague to me. I avoid it, unless it is music.

However, I felt a sort of tangible pain when I suggested that Skylar is an experiment. He is definitely not, and I hate myself for subjecting him to something so trivial. So maybe that is what's happening in my head, thinking that I am not worthy of him. Even if I had a crush on Skylar, that wouldn't mean anything, I won't allow myself to start anything with him.

Because one; I can't live up to the expectations that come with a person of that calibre, and two; I won't be a good enough boyfriend for him, I don't have any experience and the last thing I want is to call him mine and then have him doubt my love for him. He is too good for any of that, I can't guarantee him the painless life he deserves.

Next to the television is a hallway where Sebastien and an incredibly tough looking man came, he walked in with Owen who, to my complete surprise is the exact opposite I would take him to be. He spoke to me with a lot of smiles and a sort of passion that seems to be superimposed into negativity. I thought he would be the type of person to be reserved and fenced off on their own, but it seems that's only the case with this new person around.