Summer Journal #2(COMPLETE)

Behind

Is it just me, or does anyone else get that feeling of being "behind the trend". Like not in a you agree with it, but like you're falling behind. Like, for like eight months say this person was all the rage, and you never got enough time to fully enjoy what your friends were enjoying. And then, boom! Finally, you have time. You get into the trend, and then you go to talk to your friends about it, and they're like, "Yeah, that was cool back a bit ago, but now look at this new thing!"

Am I making sense?

So, look. Hamilton was a thing. I never got into it because it was history that we were poorly taught in school. And then it was devised into a musical rap. I tried getting into it so that I wouldn't be left our of conversations because trust me, it happened all the frickn time. My friends into Hamilton would talk to each other about it all the time, barely letting me talk to them. Or sometimes, if we were having a conversation with each other, and then they see their other friend who knew about Hamilton, they'd ditch me and go talk to them about Hamilton. That really bothered me, never said anything about it. Eventually, I started listening to it, but it's a whole to listen to. By the time I knew like two songs, Hamilton was getting old and irrelevant with my friends, so I missed that opportunity to have more things to talk to with my friends.

Another on is twenty one pilots, though they never have been too irrelevant, I do sometimes find myself looking like a stalker on Josh and Tyler when I talk about them to my friends, so I barely bring up twenty one pilots.

Heathers and Be More Chill are two more examples. Now, Alexx is a huge nerd to these, and he didn't exactly force me to watch them(which I would have preferred if he did) but he did suggest me to watch them once each. I did with Heathers, I did with Be More Chill. And you know, they were both good, but I feel like by the time I watched them, they were irrelevant because he had gone to a camp and he met some friends, so that kinda drew him away from those two musicals a bit. So, once again, I fail to keep being relevant.

Jon Bellion too is one. Though, he's a bit different, because Alexx and I discovered him on the same day, Paige told him to check him out. I found Bellion on my own. So, I listened to a lot of his songs, I never tried to learn any by heart because there were a lot, but I learned like one or two. Come prom day, I get in the car. Alexx turns on the music, and him, Paige and Bri all just start singing together. It was great, they all sounded amazing, but then there was me, in the passenger seat, feeling very socially uncomfortable. Which, it's really bad for me when I get uncomfortable because I rarely ever do, so I'm not used to that feeling of being unsure of myself and so I had a bit a breakdown, though, no one could tell through me laughing and smiling. 

One more thing, though, I'm over this one already; I felt a little irrelevant to Alexx when he got back from camp, because he was talking about all his new friends, and stuff that they told him at camp. It was great to see him so happy and excited, but it made me feel a little insecure and unsure of myself. BUT NO WORRIES! We already dealt with it, so it's all good now.

But, yeah. That's me. I'm actually more human than I thought, and want to be. If I could, I'd rather not be able to feel social uncomfortability. I'd rather be almost emotionless. I'm too emotional for a sixteen year old boy, who is also a junior in high school, and the junior drum major for his marching band.

12:00 am, 7/22/17